凡走過 定會長留

Had one of those 'it's destiny!' moments again today. Somehow these things happened a few times, mostly people that I am dying to meet appearing suddenly in front of me.

A few days ago, my mom mentioned a teacher that teaches at my former primary school in Labuan. The point is not the teacher though, but her son. At least for me, because her son is one of the three 'little brothers' I had in primary six then. I don't think about them a lot, but sometimes when I do it does bring back memories. One of the three I actually hear about quite frequently, and ever since leaving I have seen him once in Pahang for choral speaking (imagine that), and even more recently I heard about him from my friend. Turns out he's in KK now. So yeah, you can say I hear about him a lot.

This teacher's son though, was sort of the one that...I gave most attention to I guess. He is really naughty and whatnot, which led to many people not really liking him then. But I liked playing with him and sort of gave myself the role of taking care of him. I haven't heard about him in years, and hearing my mother mention the teacher made me think of him again.

Just now I went to 1B. I almost didn't get to go. My mom and I ate at this new place. We wouldn't have went there usually. My mom sat facing the door, and I sat with my back facing it. All these are just a series of events that led me to be able to meet HIM again. My mom suddenly said 'eh, the teacher!' When I heard that she saw the whole family was with her, I rushed out at once, and I almost didn't see him, but I spot the only guy that looked like it could be him.

I went up to talk to the teacher, with the slight awkward introduction of 'do you remember me? I am...'
But I was looking at him, and I swear I wouldn't have recognized him if not for the fact that 'that guy over there'  is the only one there that can possibly be him. He did look a bit more familiar as I looked at him more. Lets just say, he grew up into such a handsome young man! *tears*

I regret that I didn't say even one word to him, because I wasn't sure if he remembered me. Something made me think that he did, but I guess he is not the friendliest guy around. The only thing I got to do was wave to him, which brought back like zero response, and then I left. I regret not asking him anything, really, really regretted it, but I was completely tongue-tied.

Missing someone/thing/place is a really depressing feeling. The only thing you can do is sit around moping but whatever it is you're missing is not coming to you. Meeting him again made me really nostalgic, and I start missing the people, the simple moments, and most importantly Labuan, again. I haven't been back there in years. I seem to have a memory deficit when it comes to my childhood, because I hardly remember anything that happened when I was young, but I remember the school, with it's big stuffy hall. The beach we go to on the weekends, where I collected tons of seashells, whereas now I go to the beach like once a year. The only shopping center we could go to because there was nowhere else we can go. The little choir group I'm in that wins every year, the music camp where I played my first 'water wars', and my three 'little brothers'. Hm, I guess this leaves one more than I haven't met ever since I left. It is such a weird feeling, you're at home, but you are homesick. 

I don't think 'destiny' happens more than once, and I don't think I will ever get to see him again. But at least I did, a few days after I talked about him with my mom. As for Labuan, I am definitely going back there, if not soon, then later.

Wait for me, I will be back.

帶我到天涯和海角
一年 一輩子 隨風
永遠也忘不了

Have a happy day everyone,

Lexie       

  

Precious memory

It was yesterday, but, HAPPY BIRTHDAY MR G!!! :D

So for the first time ever, I went to Mr. G's famous house yesterday. I got kinda lost and I thought some other house was his, but when I finally found the actual house....

Holy S*** was my first reaction. It is BEAUTIFUL *.* It is absolutely amazing. I can't believe I could ever mistake any house for his, it is AWESOME. (yeah I get a bit overexcited when it comes to nice houses) But his house is to date, the most beautiful one I've been in.  The balcony is my favorite part of his house, it's like I can stand there staring out to the road and just do nothing forever, and my god all the plants there too 0.0

The inside of the house is just as impressive as the outside, a lot of interior designing work must've gotten into it.  When I got to the top floor, I was all *jaw drop* *eyes wide open*. There was a BAND AREA. Drums, guitar, bass, my goodness! It was so awesome, I wondered if I can stay in house for the night. 0.0 To top it all off, he has two dogs too, Titan and Tiger. And they are SAUSAGE DOGS. *Faint* (I feel like describing everything in all caps, hahaha).

Initially everything went quite calmly, we just ate, talked a bit, looked around his house. And then, GAME TIME STARTED. When they guys and some of the girls started playing video games, everything went into chaos. But it was also hilarious! The part that Miss Chancello beat Mr. Tequila was the best thing ever, hahaha! Not to mention how excited she was, jumping up and down and whatnot. But I see how video games lead to violence, cause they acted like not only were they fighting in the game, they were going to fight in real life too! And of course, Ms. Pengerusi was super emotional too! xp.

It seems that all of us were more excited than Mr. G though, cause he somehow kept disappearing. And even though he is nice enough in school, he is five times nicer in his house. He smiled really politely and said 'thank you' a lot and kept worrying that he is not being a good host, awwwww. Allowing us crazy people in his awesome house is already enough, he really didn't need to do anything more xp. I also got to hear him play the piano, it was, as what other people told me, great!  

It was such a great way to end this super long and exhausting week, so I was very happy yesterday night, happier than I've been in awhile. I am so grateful that I didn't decide against going, even Miss Chancello said that I was right, she would regret it if she didn't go. Of course, she probably had the most fun (and kept being accused of being drunk ).

The whole STPM results issue was mentioned a few times yesterday night, but it was quickly hushed too. Somehow, yesterday night reminded me that I should enjoy the present. And be grateful  for what you have and the people around you. Hoping for more precious memories with my friends, because someday, we are all going to leave.

I suddenly realized that... March is ending soon.

Have a happy day everyone,

Lexie

Unwind

    Tests over!!! Yes! I can finally do what I planned to do, at least for today and tomorrow. Then it is back to finishing all the school stuff during the holidays.  As for what I planned to do, it is....

Reading. But reading fiction, for once. I spent the book vouchers on two awesome books, firstly, the one I have currently started reading:

   

the third book in John Grisham's Theodore Boone series, 'The Accused'. I don't know why this was the first book that came into my mind when I was deciding what to buy, I myself didn't even know that I liked this series that much. I read the first one (belongs to my brother), and I guess I had this 'dying to read the continuation' feeling when I finished it. But I couldn't find the second book at the store that I wanted to use the voucher, so I just bought the third one anyway.

Generally, it is about a twelve year old kid who is interested in law, and hangs out in court and I guess tries to be somewhat of a lawyer himself. And then a lot of interesting stuff happens, go figure. I think what I like about the series is that...it has a sort of mature, but not too serious note to the storyline, which is very much my taste. And the language is simple enough without a lot of unnecessary crazy words that strain my brain when trying to read it. Straightforward but meaningful is how I like my writing I guess. Also, it is about a twelve year old kid dealing with the law, I mean how awesome is that xp. The book is not too thick...

      But it is quite expensive 0.0 Wouldn't have bought it if not for the voucher, hehe xp.

And next, the book that I read a bit of, and couldn't put down. But I had to stop anyway cause I wasn't done studying. It is this:

Ta Da!!! Finally got a Stephen King, how outdated am I. But I opted for the one that is....apparently not scary, because me and horror just doesn't mix well. In fact it doesn't have to be horror, as long as it is somewhat disturbing, I prefer not to read it. I tried reading Stephen King's 'Misery' once in the beloved school library, and I stopped even before the scary part started because I can predict what happens next and  it was starting to get disturbing. It was a great read, but I stopped anyway. Maybe I should continue with it someday...

But anyhow, even when reading the first few pages of 11.22.63, I've already started getting obsessed with it. Besides the cool title,  I really think that there is this quality to his writing that lures you in and makes you not want to stop. I don't know what it is, but maybe it is like what Mr. Marlboro said, he makes you seemingly 'know' the character and get interested in the character, even get attached to it. Well I only just started so I don't know about that, but I can feel the 'vibes' , the 'it is going to be a good read' vibes. So the story involves someone going back in time, and it sounds quite typical. But when you read this book, the storyline is so non-typical that you get really interested in what is going to happen next. Ah, can't wait to continue with it!


On another note, just listened to 带我走 by Bell 宇田 yesterday. Even though you can't really hear it while just listening, but there is actually a  Malay phrase in the song: 

Oh Wau Bulan,
屬於你我的紙月亮
夢想在空中 綫在你手中
記得千萬別放手

Yeah the whole Malay plus Chinese thing makes the song even better. And it sounds really poetic too, goes very well with the melody. :D Oh the sentimental songs.

And so I realized that I actually really like it when the lyrics of a song mixes Malay and Chinese (being patriotic?). Another example is 天天天天说爱你/ Aku Cinta Padamu by 阿牛. I was obsessed with the song years ago, and now listening back, I am still kinda obsessing about it. It is such a cute song, and the 'Aku Cinta Padamu' in it? Awwww :3 It makes me miss a lot of people too, the friends that are not with me now. (you know who you are xp). Sigh. I wonder how everyone is doing now.....

请我的你 记得要想起

此时此刻你就在我心里

秋天冬天 下雨或天晴

aku cinta pada mu 

:)

.  Note: Hello Mr. Freedom ;) Thanks for mentioning me in your blog, hahaha!

Have a happy day everyone,

Lexie

Positivity

  Today is the dreaded result day. It was indeed a weird, weird day with all the emotional turmoil and getting sick in my stomach and feeling like crying. Actually, I felt like crying before I checked my results, when people started talking about how they already checked theirs and I thought I was going to really vomit.After I got my results, though, (and it was quite bad btw), I just felt...at peace. A bit worried and upset, but still, relatively peaceful compared to how I was before.

First things first, I think the best result for the Science stream was 2As and 2Bs? To whom it may concern, congrats :) I feel like congratulating those with Bs and Cs too even though many of them felt really disappointed, but hey, at least it was much better than mine. All I wanted was a full pass, seems like I couldn't even get that. :(

  I would say that even the Internet was trying to go against me, because when I was checking my result, it took forever to load, probably needed five or six tries. Then when the thing finally decided to load, I looked at my result and was like '... Okaylah.' I would be fine with it if it wasn't for the fact I need to retake my maths, cause I got a partial pass, D+ (1.33).

As for the other subjects, 3.33, 2.33 and 2.67. Which brings us an average of... 2.42. Believe it or not, I very much expected that, although I am just so, so THANKFUL I didn't get F for either Maths or Chemistry, thank goodness. I thought I was heading that way.

After most of us got our results, the only thing we can do was...talk. We still had our next subject for the school test, but nobody felt like studying at all. We just talked a lot about anything at all, because once we stopped, we kept thinking back to our results. Ms. Banana told me that she is probably going to leave Form 6, along with a few others....( :( don't go~~~~~!). Well that is the power of STPM, huh. I won't leave, but yeah I need to think about a lot of things after this. But now all I want to do is just...relax a bit for once. However, still have Chemistry test tomorrow...what a bad day for the results to come out =.=

I probably should be just a bit more upset about this, but maybe partly why I'm not is because 1) I expected this, even if no one else did, and 2) a whole bunch of people are determined to retake too. Which just brings us back to 'the past is past, now move forward and make it right'. There are so many things to do after this, no need to get all caught up and worried right.

Extra notes:
-Thank you moyang (even though you can't see this) for calling me, made my day!!!
-Btw, Ms. Honeydew, no need to emo, as you can see, my result is much worse than yours (lol)


Good luck to everyone, and may the future hold better things for us!!! :D

Have a happy day everyone,

Lexie

   

影子

  That feeling you get when you feel everyone else has done okay, and somehow you are like the only one who did really badly. That is one of the feelings I fear the most, maybe I am just (unknowingly) competitive? Well, it is inevitable anyway, and what's past is past, but I just hope that I never have to feel like this anymore. Given my not-so-serious attitude in dealing with many things, I will probably be feeling this way more in the future.

  She told me that she feels like she doesn't have much...well, determination, or 'strength to strive for the best' anymore? I am a bit regretful that I didn't listen more and talk to her more about it, because I wasn't in a very great mood overall too. But it really got me thinking now. She told me she felt that way because firstly, she felt like how she performed in the test was okay enough for her, and also, she isn't too nervous about the results coming out tomorrow. Actually, even though I speak a lot about the results coming out, deep down I don't feel as nervous as I might sound. It isn't that I think I did fine, because I really, really didn't do 'fine' at all. But I seem to have a lackluster attitude nowadays towards a lot of things. It is not as if I am really upset all the time or anything, but I seem to feel...way too relaxed.

  As for losing the determination to strive, I couldn't give much advice even if I tried to. But I think that maybe we are too used to facing disappointing results, that somehow , 'just okay'  has become good enough. But then... I know that I wasn't always like this, and I am slowly realizing that... some things have to start changing. Anyway for now, my main aim is to....be there more for my friends??

它

总是跟着你

总在你左右

你总在忽略

也很少会注意

但它

却在黑夜中

显得更加明显

更加让你恐惧

有时在最低潮的时刻

不会想起它

却会领悟它的感受

想变成那种

不具体的存在

没有责任

没有悲伤

也想像它一样

静静地躲起

没人发现

没人在意

慢慢地才会了解

你身后的影子

像努力压制的悲哀

你越跑

它越追

然后

在夜深人静时

抓住你

不放开

Well，tried writing something, and it turned out to be this...emo thing, lol. Well, it has only been three posts, but still feel like I've been updating quite frequently (proud of myself?). But I've sort of promised Mr Tsubasa I would update frequently, so I shall keep the promise (as best I can xp).

Have a happy day everyone,

Lexie

 

Silly worries

    Today is the first day of school tests, and well, I was really, really stressed out about this particular subject because it is virtually impossible to memorize like even...half of what I'm supposed to. Unless I start out really early, which I never do. Maybe I should really start doing that after this. It went okay though, but what matters is when the result comes out. Tomorrow is maths, and as usual, I am not confident in that at all.  

  I don't think that today is the right day to be blogging, but I just felt like posting something. Because that is a part of why people blog right, to get things off their mind? So, what I (unnecessarily) have a lot of now is this:

Worries.

   It is something that happens when I am in a generally nervous/down mood. I worry incessantly about anything and everything. I worry about my current test. I worry about the results of my big exam last year, which is coming out this Thursday. That is probably the biggest source of my worry, because despite what anyone else might think, it is probably NOT going to be good. Our three seniors who were three of the top scorers (in school and also in the state), didn't get straight A's, but in terms of STPM, 3As and 1B is seriously super amazing. *salute*

   And then there is our Biology insect project which just refuses to turn out right. So, we seem to be endlessly working on it, even though we thought we were done with it long ago :(. Our plant project doesn't seem to be working that well too, but it is still going okay I guess. And so, during the holidays, we have our Maths assignment, Chemistry assignment,  my Pengajian Am assignment which is still not done even till today. Thinking about all that makes me a bit sick. I think I am still not a responsible enough person, nor am I scoring an A in the 'handling pressure' department. But I am trying to cope, I am. And sometimes I just wonder...what am I actually worrying about?

But as much as I can worry, life never stops for anyone. And the only option we have, is to be happy. So, buck up, Lexin!! :)

  

      What you need to try, is to try and let it go let it go...

Sunshine and City Lights, will guide you home. :)

 Have a happy day everyone,

Lexie

New Beginnings

 So, after a lot of  'peer pressure', I am finally here, writing in my blog. I don't know why it has taken such a long time for me to start this even though I have promised a few people I would some time ago. Maybe because I am more of a 'write in private' kind of person. But, I see the fun in writing blogs, I really do.

Maybe I should start with the basics. I'm turning 19 this year, and man, that does feel old. People might say '19, pssh...still a child...' and yes, I do agree. But this is the period of time when you feel like you should start acting like an adult, and yet you still feel like a teenager (or a kid even). And sometimes that brings some complications. But I'm sure things will start smoothing out and turn out right. :)

I have a lot of hobbies. Listening to music and singing are definitely at the top. God forbid there comes a day when I don't sing at the top of my voice at home. I wonder if my parents get annoyed by that xp. Somehow I quite like dancing too, even though that isn't quite apparent. I like reading, though I used to like it a lot more when I was younger, but I am getting back on it. I like writing, because it is the only way I can smooth out my thoughts and probably understand myself a bit more. It is always hard isn't it, trying to understand yourself.    

As for my blog name, I thought about it long and hard, and I decided to go with 'Written in Pen'. Well, you know the phrase 'my life is a story, but it is written in pen so I can't erase any mistakes' ? Well, I quite liked it when I first saw it, so I guess it kind of got stuck in my head. 

 I guess this is it for now, for there are a lot of studying I should be doing (but I am obviously failing at doing that). Just a quick hello to my friends who asked me to do this ;)

                                                                                                  Have a happy day everyone

                                                                                                                                 Lexie