影子

  That feeling you get when you feel everyone else has done okay, and somehow you are like the only one who did really badly. That is one of the feelings I fear the most, maybe I am just (unknowingly) competitive? Well, it is inevitable anyway, and what's past is past, but I just hope that I never have to feel like this anymore. Given my not-so-serious attitude in dealing with many things, I will probably be feeling this way more in the future.

  She told me that she feels like she doesn't have much...well, determination, or 'strength to strive for the best' anymore? I am a bit regretful that I didn't listen more and talk to her more about it, because I wasn't in a very great mood overall too. But it really got me thinking now. She told me she felt that way because firstly, she felt like how she performed in the test was okay enough for her, and also, she isn't too nervous about the results coming out tomorrow. Actually, even though I speak a lot about the results coming out, deep down I don't feel as nervous as I might sound. It isn't that I think I did fine, because I really, really didn't do 'fine' at all. But I seem to have a lackluster attitude nowadays towards a lot of things. It is not as if I am really upset all the time or anything, but I seem to feel...way too relaxed.

  As for losing the determination to strive, I couldn't give much advice even if I tried to. But I think that maybe we are too used to facing disappointing results, that somehow , 'just okay'  has become good enough. But then... I know that I wasn't always like this, and I am slowly realizing that... some things have to start changing. Anyway for now, my main aim is to....be there more for my friends??

它

总是跟着你

总在你左右

你总在忽略

也很少会注意

但它

却在黑夜中

显得更加明显

更加让你恐惧

有时在最低潮的时刻

不会想起它

却会领悟它的感受

想变成那种

不具体的存在

没有责任

没有悲伤

也想像它一样

静静地躲起

没人发现

没人在意

慢慢地才会了解

你身后的影子

像努力压制的悲哀

你越跑

它越追

然后

在夜深人静时

抓住你

不放开

Well，tried writing something, and it turned out to be this...emo thing, lol. Well, it has only been three posts, but still feel like I've been updating quite frequently (proud of myself?). But I've sort of promised Mr Tsubasa I would update frequently, so I shall keep the promise (as best I can xp).

Have a happy day everyone,

Lexie