Hands of Fate

You know you haven't been blogging for awhile when you almost forgot your password. They say time flies when you're having a good time, but for some reason time can also fly by even when you aren't having too much of a 'good time'. Or maybe it is the whole 'blocking out the bad memories' thing going on. Things change, really quickly. In just a blink of an eye, everything can change, and it sweeps over like a current, nothing you can do to stop it. The more you fight it, the worse it becomes. If you list out every event in your life that changes you in a way, can you ever list them all?

Man are the only ones plagued by one of the most ultimate fears, the fear of time running out. When I think about seizing the moment and living your life, how very, very soon everything I have now will be gone,   and it will change, I almost get a panic attack of some sort. Things don't go your way forever, and nothing really lasts forever. Maybe now you're perfect, and the next second you're broken. Maybe now you love, and suddenly you're forced to hate, then the next second you love again. Maybe you know some things are wrong, but you still see it as right, because there is no time, time is running out, there is no time for all the wrong. Why do we complicate things with 'cause that is how it is, you HAVE to face the truth'. Maybe when you start fearing about time, then you realize that 'the bitter truth' can use some sugar coating. Cause why would we want our memories to be filled with hate, despair, and disappointment?

We can't handle things on our own all the time. We are not psychologists and motivational speakers and crazy optimists no matter how many people come to you for advice and to tell you their feelings. Even if you wish you are really all that. But some things you tell yourself everyday, tell yourself till you're tired of your own thoughts, tell yourself till you run out of positive things to say to other people, and you realize that actually, the whole positive vibe comes more naturally now. And the smallest things help, even just a bit. Like occupying your time and mind with tons of chemistry exercises, like listening to Ed Sheeran while snuggling in a blanket with your favorite hot drink.

Nothing really lasts forever, but as long as something touched you once, it will touch you forever.

We see things the way we want it to be 

And things turn out the way we see it

Tell me what is wrong

Tell me what is right

Tell me why if you fight life,

Life always wins

You care till it hurts, or bleeds,

Or fades in time

And the hurt really does fade,

though the memory stays

And you always come away with something more

It was good, never looking down

We just learn to live with the pain

Mosaic broken hearts 

There's always some people around

they come around and the armor falls

Pierce the room like a cannon ball
you never saw them coming

and you'll never be the same again

and all we know,

is don't let go

Some things in life just had to happen,

so you tell yourself

these are the hands of fate,

this is the worthwhile fight,

this is the golden age,

this is the state of grace

I'll paint you by numbers,

and colour you in

if things go right we can frame it

and put you on a wall

I'm gonna pick up the pieces, 

and build a lego house

if things go wrong we can knock it down.

And I will love you better now. 

   
         

If we seize the night

What an overdue post, but...you can't let prom pass without writing bout it right?

It was a nice night. It definitely wasn't like crazzzzzy awesomeeee or anything like that, which it never turns out that way, but I would say that it turned our quite nicely! Starting from the extremely budget buys I got (thanks to Ms Chancello), then to my crazy DIY mess with my hair (turned out okay-ish actually), then debating about whose house to go to first and how to get there. The place was much nicer than I expected. Everyone was GORGEOUS that night, like seriously, whoah, you get a slight sort of 'omg everyone looks so good and I look like...?????' feeling, BUT, the typical girl thought didn't really take over that much, cause the night just sweeps you away. But I've gotta say, honestly, the dress was great (thanks again Ms Chancello xp)
My table mates were awesome, really noisy, but awesome. I still don't get how our table is miles away from the other two 6AS tables, it was kinda unfair honestly =.= but it was okay, the camwhore session made up for it. We had the most messily beautiful performance from Mr. Legendary, Mr,. Tequila and Mr. Sot, it was so good, and we were all so happy watching them, even though the three of them had an 'after performance argument' behind me haha. Guys, it was great, come on. And when Mr. Ukulele went up for the impromptu drumming, that was by far EPIC. What else? our AJK comedian did some really good singing too, I was impressed, in fact his voice kinda reminds me of Mr. Tequila a bit 0.0                

And the fact that the highlight of my night was something Mr. Naruto (aka Mr. Spoon now), did was ridiculous. But lol, that is what happens for swearing you will swallow a spoon if you won the lucky draw. It eventually led on to us suggesting that he shall swallow a spoon if anyone from our table wins, and of course Ms. Enlightened and her lucky number won after that. And instead of going 'yay she won!' like the others, we were all like 'YES!!!!! EAT SPOON!!!!!!!!' HAHAHA. It was rather epic. Ah, when shall his fate be sealed? ;) BUt guys, seriously, we thought you would win the coke thing for sure cause you had Mr. F, but apparently Mr. F was the ONLY one good at that. Oh well =.=

Thank you, everyone, for being like the awesomest, funniest, craziest friends ever, for that night was a great one. When I ran around taking pictures *like I just didn't care*, I felt like the fate of me having my most memorable pictures ever was depending on that night haha. So we didn't actually take a thousand pictures, Ms. Forever Pengerusi, but a picture speaks a thousand words, and a memory lasts more beautifully than any picture. You looked absolutely gorgeous and glam that night, really befitting for our forever pengerusi haha :) And thank you Mr. Freedom (or Einstein) for taking silly pictures with me too. Btw, so much for going all natural with your hair eh =.= But it was, as I said, adorable :p .

Mr Tsubasa, I was reminded of you, how last year's prom was in some ways more exciting than this year's, and that is very much thanks to you. Even though you weren't here, a part of you is always around here somewhere, and if you were here that night we would've sang and danced the night away, and you would look the best ;) Ah, trust me, cause I always mean what I say right :D

I guess after that night I got some sort of two-day hangover. But ah, when it was finally over, getting out of all the formal stuff, especially after finally getting out the contacts that made me feel like I was trying to poke my eyeballs out =.= , I felt like once a year is enough for all these formal stuff. Cause just being casual feels soooo good. However, being in that sort of occasion with the people you love is definitely priceless.      

What more can I say? We owned the night.

May our hearts be full like our drinks tonight

Maye we sing and dance till we lose our minds

We are only young if we seize the night

Tonight, we own the night 

Forever and Always

     When do I feel most responsible? When I am finally handing over my job to someone. Then man, do I go all "this is important, that is important , remember this, remember that". Maybe it's cause those are things I didn't remember myself, and I am hoping that we gave rise to even better 'successors'. Though of course, no one will EVER be as great a Pengerusi as Ms. Forever Pengerusi. Yes, forever, because hey, we don't go through almost a year of S*** without always remembering we once had this responsibility. For all the times we stressed out over the library activities, for all the times we freaked out about our dear teacher, for all the duty lists that I sometimes forget to change, for all the conversations we had at the round table, the round table that kept all our secrets. LONG LIVE US! :D

  You realize new things everyday, you realize more things about yourself every time. Some things you laugh about so much it is still funny after a long, long time, how people crash through people and become a wrecking ball. Some things you get nervous about even though it is not directly of your concern, things that you're afraid will affect the mood of the people you care about. Forcing people to suck it up and check stuff, saying things you think they should hear afterwards, still believing there is hope for this to turn around. Being proud and so, so glad for the one that made it. You have no idea how glad I am, though we fight and I annoy you and you annoy me, I am SO relieved, and so happy. Oh, and turning to someone you never thought you would turn to, because though they don't understand anything, but it's just the way they are, saying and doing those 'little random things' they do so well.

   You realize new things everyday, about how some things you just can't change. Accept it, as best you can, accept it for the lesson you learn from it. Accept it, cause there is always something more.

Some things... they stay in your mind, they make you try to understand why. Like dreaming about almost getting hit by a car, like dreaming about someone pushing you out of harm's way.

       Have a happy day everyone,

Lexie

还有什么 ， 没有

人到了一定的时候

总是胡乱想抓住什么

命运是一种理由

现实的面孔

不到你说不懂

Never ever

People will tell you things you want to hear
You will convince yourself otherwise
You will fight to think everything will be fine
Then you give yourself reasons why everything is wrong
I am not a hero
I don't always know what to do
I am helpless sometimes
But some things convince me to be strong
Some beautiful things, things like you
Words can be such cheap poetry
Words don't always heal wounds
But if those are what I can give,
I'll give all of them to you.
We're that kind of people,
afraid of being replaced, afraid of being abandoned
afraid that the one you care about, doesn't care as much
Don't be afraid of being alone,
Just look around and you will definitely see
I will always be there for you
I will always keep you in mind
I won't always know what to say
But I will always try
Every hardship is teaching me something,
no matter whose story it is
When I listen to what you have to say,
I feel myself growing stronger with it
I can't promise you the world,
But this I can promise you
If you have to fight to be a butterfly,
I will fight with you.

I will never let you go,
I am always here for you
I will never let you go,
I believe in you

 I hope you believe in me too.

Let it all come pouring out,

There is nothing I can't take

Remember how you save me now

From all of my wrong

If your sky is falling

Take my hand and hold it

This is no time to be alone

and I won't let you go  

The Last Time

When people let their minds wander, they go off to the strangest places. Oh, the things different people can ask me at the same time....Things about what if she was a guy and what I think is the purpose of my life. They ask, I answer, then I wonder to myself. I can talk and talk to the same person, all night, about pointless things, or the same things over and over again, and yet some things never truly get answered because I truly don't know. When everyone else is in a weird mood together, at least tonight I was in a good one. Talking about your future and reminiscing the past. Complaining about people and doubting yourself. Listening to motivational songs and declaring your love for a friend together. It's just one of those nights.

Then at the same night, Nick Vujicic appears on TV, talking about things related to what I have heard from my many conversations. Just that what he says seems to be the answer to a lot of things, although it is not what I've never heard before. If he had given up long ago, then he wouldn't have gotten what he has now. Things about Asian parents,negative reinforcement versus positive acknowledgement. Things about you're beautiful, and move on from those 'emo' stuff and project happiness. This guy. Everything he says , however cliche, makes you go 'ahhhhhh. I hear you dude.' 

Don't even bother asking me 'do you believe in me?' again. My answer is always 'yes.' and I don't lie. I told you, I believe in everyone. Even people I'm not necessarily too fond of. I don't think I am ever truly surprised if someone suddenly accomplishes something, because for some reason or other I think anyone can do anything. If you ask me 'why do you think I will be fine?' Maybe I will say it again - 'Because,  you are just like me. ' I don't care if you disagree with me, but I am just going to say it - We will always be 'fine', no matter what happens. It doesn't mean we won't get upset about things, but we WILL be fine. We can handle anything. Okay perhaps I shall tell myself that ten times a day and it will be like the 'today I feel great' thing. =.= 

I don't ever want to say and do something heartfelt or important without really meaning it, ever. Man, if only I get a penny for every single time I say that recently. Call me crazy, but no matter how cheesy/scripted I sound, I MEAN the things I say. I don't care if while saying it I was laughing, frowning, sighing, smiling, if it was cheesy or stupid or sounds like I am joking, I actually do MEAN THINGS. If I say I think you're awesome then trust me, at least to me, you are. If I have ever said I will do anything for you then congrats, you must really mean a lot to me. If I ever add 'it means a lot' behind my 'Thank You', you better believe that it really means THE WORLD to me. If I say I think you can do something, then I swear to god I think you can, and I am waiting to see you do it.

So...tonight, I had this sudden epiphany  about how I should carry on with this and blah blah blah. If ..'stuff' happens again, I swear to myself, I will say exactly what I think of it. If I think you are being an idiot again, then the next time I AM going to tell you, seriously, you are being an IDIOT. If I want someone to just back off for a bit then I am going to ASK you to BACK OFF. In fact if this actually happens I am probably not going to shut up, no matter how awkward the situation is. (so this is turning into a rant...?) 

Look at me, writing things I probably won't be able to accomplish. But it's just one of those nights.

You say thanks for being a friend
and we're going in circles again and again

I dedicate this song to you
the one who never sees the truth
that I can take away your hurt
Heartbreak Girl

       

 This is the last time I'm asking you this,

Put my name at the top of your list.

Over again

Once again, I feel like running away with you
even if you probably don't wan't to =.=
Maybe not to somewhere only we know,
just somewhere
far, far away
Sometimes I say I'll go to where you are
I am starting to feel like I will really do it
Maybe we should go somewhere
where we talk about everything every night
where we don't have abandonment issues
where we don't get upset about the silliest things
where people remember you're there
and they remember to help you
where we laugh about things and mean it

Maybe we're not special, but at least...
We can talk about awkward things naturally
I can get upset at you and we become closer after it
You can't tell me everything
But I still understand everything
perfectly well

Now,
Everything is repeating in a pattern
If it really repeats all over again
Can I make things right this time?
What do you think?
Tell me I can handle it
And I'll tell you I can

things don't end
they just start all over again

With broken words I tried to say

honey don't you be afraid

we got nothing, we got us

You got something I need

In this world full of people

and if we only die once 

I wanna die with you

If we only live once

I wanna live with you

认真地笑

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my dear, dear, beloved friends, Ms. Pengerusi and Mr. Marlboro!!! This is quite a long awaited day, I really hope you guys liked the gifts and whatnot. I guess what we planned to do was done, and Mr. Marlboro had his taste of karma too, awwww yeah xp. (yes, making him read a long and pointless story means a lot to me (?) )

You know how when emotions accumulate over time, then a small, insignificant thing comes as a trigger, and everything flows out like water. Sometimes they really don't mean anything, I guess, it's just finally a release. Of course at the end of it you realize you completely WASTED your whole day just on that, and all you got was that your eyes hurt. Great going. =.= =.= =.=

Then it is always the simple things, or rather, the most unexpected things, that are so ridiculous but it makes you feel better.
 "有下雨 meh？”
“你的雨伞。粉红色，又这样小。。。”
“好笑，你走路好像很快的。。。”
“你走哪里？”

 Ridiculous. Makes you feel better. Thank you.

Then there is my 'long lost twin brother' sort of person, fighting through those feelings of his. Somehow he seems so much more like a naive, innocent...uh...girl?
You don't always know what the right thing to do is, but if it really means that much to you, then at least you know what you want to do. And then what you really want to do, becomes the right thing to do. You're probably going to feel the same emotions either way, but at least, maybe, you can eliminate regret. Things can be simple if you can only just say what you mean, and mean what you say. It is so hard, but it can be so simple.有时候 ，勇敢只是在对的时候，做出疯狂的东西。没什么特别。有时候，勇敢就是。。。 害怕结局， 还是去做。 知道结局，还是去做。那是一种傻，值得的傻。

Some things are just funny when you first hear it. Then when you really think about it, it means so much more.

“我跟你讲喔， 跟我认真地笑。”

Ridiculous.

Makes you feel better.

笑， 就要认真地笑。

Happy Birthday dear friends