What Do You See?

Tired.
TIRED.
Tired.....

"How oh you guys at UMS?"
"TIRED!'

It's kinda ridiculous how many times we've uttered the word 'tired' since we've only been in there for two weeks, but MAN are we tired. My house is fifteen minutes away from my uni...that's an awesome thing, and I'm counting my blessings, but somehow once we get inside the gates of of our new home it feels like the outside world is gone. Of course then the weekend comes and I can finally go home...then I sleep through the day and head on right back.

Orientation week was crazy. It was mostly just talks and more talks, but we go to bed at 1-2 smthng a.m and woke up at 4.00 a.m....mostly because their schedules are always delayed and out of whack in general. The most important thing we learnt during orientation is how to FIGHT for the bus - Serious survival skills here, yo! A big thank you to Ms. Psyduck and Ms. Annoying Banana who ran here and there with me to fight for the bus and food hahaha, with blisters on our feet and all that jazz. Orientation week was also the first time I experienced involuntarily falling asleep during a talk, being woken up, and going back to sleep again in less than five seconds. That feeling of not being able to stay awake is not good, not good at all.    

There are different hostel blocks here, most of us (including me) got E, while some got AB or CD...and let me tell you, the quality of the rooms are so much worse in E. Pros we have - more food and stalls, no need for climbing up some crazy hill like they have in CD to get to our room. Cons - smaller space, worse beds, desks, and toilets. I don't know what to think but ya know, we're surviving. And everywhere we go it is walk, walk, walk, WALK. Or wait, wait, wait for the bus. This Uni and it's 999 acres =.= why must it be huge? Why???? I guess we're all going to get super muscles by the end of this semester alone, but when it's one of those days when we're walking everywhere. sweating under the sun with our heavy bags, that whole we're trapped in a different world feeling appears.

I had the most horrific experience during course registration day. We decided to go at 4:30 a.m even though registration opens at 8 , since we were afraid the courses we wanted will be full. Once again, we got to FIGHT. So I set my alarm and all, preparing to face the next day...and when I woke up... it was 5:30 a.m!!!! I freaked out so badly. Turns out my phone ran out of battery so not only did I not wake up at 4, my friends must've called me like crazy. None of them know where my room is by the way and I couldn't turn on my phone because I had to charge it for awhile first and I thought I was going to have a heart attack. When I could finally contact them they were already there, and one of them drove back to fetch me. But the funny thing is, they were actually the first ones right in front of the door, while behind them was a super long line. Man, are they good.      

So after registration and all we headed back and everything was alright...until I went back to my room, decided to draw up my timetable, and realize that Ms Enlightened and I signed up for the wrong section of Japanese class!! That whole waking up at 5:30 feeling came back to me again and of course I started freaking out again, Turns out Ms. Enlightened mistook the timetable for another course's and we went into a frenzy trying to figure out how to settle our problem. We couldn't go to the time we accidentally signed up for since it clashes with our class. After a lot of discussing and "how oh?"and calling here and there we got our friend to change our registration for us and settled for the night class. Phew!

As for our classes...not much has been taught yet. We got a general overview of all our classes, we already have our assignments :( .... and I think I'm going to like Environmental Science. Our scope of learning is way larger than I expected, with diseases, food safety, planetary science and whatever not thrown into the mix. But I think I'm going to like it, for now. On my way to be a tree hugger haha. Not to mention I finally get to learn Japanese, yay! I'm regretting that I didn't learn how to write way back when I was extremely interested in all things Japanese, but I'll just have to keep practising now...a, i, u, e, o.

As for Pengajian Kokum I took modern music with two friends...it was such an unexpected choice, but I am so excited for it! We get to form a band, a band! Yay! We wanted to take the cooking related subject but it was already full...and to think we were the first Science batch to get into the registration room...but I think I'm going to enjoy modern music too, at least I hope I will.

Despite all the grumbling, sweating, walking, not-so-comfortable living condition, not eating any proper meals at all and all the involuntary sleeping (even in class)...there is so much to look forward to. Class hasn't really started but I find myself worrying all the time about whether or not I can finish my assignments with good grades, whether or not I will know what to study and revise, and how much trouble I will run into as time goes by....but I think, you know what, it will all be okay. Just get used to it, just get used to it. It doesn't matter if I'm lucky enough to be near home, trouble is everywhere, but great things are about to happen too. I just need to learn how to relax.

Making new friends is still an ongoing process, although I have Ms. Enlightened with me and that's great! :D Stress and hard work is still on it's way, creeping up towards us...but we will all face it together. Falling in love with Environmental Science is happening gradually, and I hope it will last.

And so, as our Environmental Health lecturer would say......When you look at a river, what do you see? The water flows slowly, but surely, it will reach somewhere far. When you look at a mountain, what do you see? It's not about what you see on the surface, it's what you feel inside.

So tell me Lexin, when you think about your future, what do you see?
      


 

 

Road Trip

I could use one of those days
When life feels like the perfect road trip
It's all sunshine and blue skies
Wind in your hair, like you can take off and fly
The past is merely dust and smoke
and what's ahead are excitement and hope
laughter is compulsory,
and there's no room for worry
Won't you go on a road trip with me?
It doesn't matter if we get lost
We can take in the scenery,
and laugh at pointless jokes
We can sing under the stars,
and keep that feeling in our souls

I could use a road trip
I wonder where the destination will be
Maybe there's so much more to see
Maybe I can set myself free
One day I'll get up and go
I wonder who will join me?

Oh if I can do as I wish,
By then, wherever you might be,
I'll take you along with me

Journey

Well hello there, empty barren wasteland that is my blog. Truth be told, this post is definitely not happening if I didn't have a 'pact' with Mr. Tsubasa. Well a man doesn't go back on his words right ;) Oh boy, now I'm going to start writing....what kind of random, over dramatic thing is going to start pouring out??

What is there to say? Ever since graduation and holidays I haven't been doing anything at all, although everyone else is off to work or even off to study. But as I think back, quite a bit of things have been happening. I have been going out A LOT, it feels like more than I ever did in my whole life. People just keep coming over, my bro, my sis in law, my bro's friends, my own friends. Mr Tsubasa came back and yeah, it was definitely fun ;D . Even during CNY. Usually I go to one, two houses tops but this time, man it was practically a series of visiting. As a result, I started developing the cat mentality - when I'm at home I want to go out, when I go out, I want to be back home. Watched some new movies, and had a truly traumatic movie experience courtesy of Miss Chancello and her extreme emotional reaction. But in a way I feel like my life isn't static, at least not yet. I've met so many new people, and for once, I'm starting to feel like...I actually enjoy meeting new people, instead of feeling like crawling into a hole. Now that is definitely a shocker.

There was also the series of stressful events. Results came out, and oh boy, this is a first. The feeling you get when something finally doesn't suck. You would think I would've heaved a sigh of relieve and go back to sleep ( like I did during sem 2),  but nope, this time, after waking parents up in the middle of the night,  I stayed awake until morning... doing nothing and thinking about everything. Still one re-sit to go, but it actually doesn't feel bad at all. And I think about how something that is probably not a big deal to someone else feels like the best achievement of my life. Lets not touch on how my re-sit results went though lol. To top that off, driving test finally came, and although I waited and waited and waited the whole day just to go through those measly few tests, but man that feeling you get when it' finally over and you pass. Well I'm one of the last ones to get my license but hey, something finally doesn't suck, AGAIN. And it's times like these when you feel just a little bit bigger than you thought you were.

Now we have entered the phase of 'what are you going to do next? What are you taking? What is your first choice?' Well unfortunately now Miss I-can-do-whatever-I-want-to-do doesn't have a clue what she wants to do. I have my choices, but I don't have THE choice. I don't seem to have a first choice. All of them are just fine to me, and that's why this time I decided to let fate decide and see what I get. Although if I don't get anything then I have to decide myself, and that is another roller coaster ride. It's like I'm expecting a journey to arrive, but I don't have a clue what that journey is going to be. How do you prepare for a journey that you know nothing of?

But as you get a lot, a lot of alone time, you realize that stress and worry is definitely optional. I think my number one trait of overreacting should take a break now, cause there's plenty of time for that when I start studying and get to be around large amounts of people again. Maybe I can actually learn to accept the things I can't change. And remember, remember, remember, that somethingsdon'tmattersomethingsdon'tmatter
somethingsreallydon'tmatter!

Perhaps it's best not to paint a picture of the future sometimes, because a blank canvas can fit way, way more things, things you couldn't even imagine will happen. Who knows, maybe a wizard and some dwarves will come and sweep me away on my very own unexpected journey. Maybe I'll get to fight a dragon. Maybe I'll have fun.          
       

Tell Me Why

I'm sick and tired of your attitude.
Sick of this going around and around in circles.
Sick of this being a big deal somehow.
Sick of realizing it is partly my fault too.
Isn't it like a horror story?
I laughed it off,
until I realized it IS actually that scary.
What are you thinking?
Are you really that stubborn?
How should I know?
If only I settled things sooner
If only I handled it better
If only you could say things earlier
If only you don't jump to your own conclusions
Guess what,
it is both our faults,
and it is nobody's fault  
Don't run, don't hide, don't back down?
Well Lexin, time to put your own advice to good use.

The First Day

Today is the day, but the impact from yesterday still hasn't died down. Of course we were forced to go to school to attend one of the most long-winded events ever, but hey, there's money involved. And because of this too, I hung out in the weirdest group I have ever been in. It was a rather weird day, but it was sure enough, 'interesting'. Getting pushed, hit, and attacked by Ms. Psycho, the most awkward game of Truth or Dare ever, (courtesy of Ms. Psycho's awkward questions), Freedom's big 'confession' in 6RS, and of course there was the B.C finally confessing to B.C thing.

You know whenever I am out at a cafe or something, my table will always be the noisiest one around. And I used to think it was just cause that is how my group of friends are. Yeah you know what, scratch that. It doesn't matter who I was hanging out with, my table will still be the noisiest one in the whole place. Like we can go from me being shushed by Mr. Freedom and Ms. Mole cause 'we weren't the only ones there anymore', to the whole place probably knowing about Freedom and Ms Mole's pooping business. Reading comics, discussing life issues, counselling session... okay seriously the things we did in that short period of time. =.= I gotta say though, I really enjoyed it.

First day of being 19. It is quite an interesting way to put it, ever since I saw Ms. Forever Pengerusi's message :). One of the things I thought of was a few days ago was actually the fact that next year I am supposed to be 20. TWENTY. The word looms up bigger and bigger. I just feel like it is a really OLD age to be. And I know that isn't true cause looking at my bro and friends they pretty much act a lot like how we are now. But I don't know, I just remember when I was wayy younger and I used to think that once your age starts with '2', then you are supposed to be a full- on adult, you know, just be...an adult. Adult. What is that supposed to mean anyway? People still mistake me for a FORM 1 for goodness sakes.

And then leaving school. I feel like one of the only few people who is actually really upset about leaving but that is just me, I get way too emotionally attached to people and then it is like I don't want them to ever leave me. Of course there is the fact I don't want to grow uppppppppp ~~~~ there is the whole what am I supposed to do? What do I want to do? Issue. There is the 'everything will change but you don't know how' issue. There is the not going to school everyday and seeing the people who are always there issue. There are a lot of issues. No matter how much you tell yourself that you will hold on to every precious few moments left , you know very well that the days are slipping away like an out of control whirlwind, and I look at the present time, and what? I am already officially 19? How did one whole month just slip by like that? Even today, just looking at the time, how did the whole day just slip by like that?

But I guess on my birthday every year, there is this need to be thankful. And honestly I am. It is always the same old thing, thank you to so and so for always being there for me, and all sorts of such stuff which aren't things these people haven't heard from me, but honestly, there are not enough words to express them.

Ms. Enlightened, who has been there with me since the beginning of time, the only true constant in my form 6 life. The one who tells cold jokes, but listens to my problems in a way that is neutral, but still on my side.

Ms. Chancello, who I should've been friends with way earlier, but who is so much alike to me. The one who is also emotional and gets agitated easily, but is very calm when I am NOT.

Ms. Pengerusi, the one who I share everything with, and the one who shares everything with me. We have a connection that runs so deep, no words are needed anymore. We are practically the definition for the phrase 'I have your back'.

Mr. Tsubasa, one term, one short term, and yet in that short period of time, we somehow connected. Our friendship will 'never ever ever' break, no matter what happens.

Freedom, I don't think I need to say more. I have probably said enough. Though I don't know whether or not you ever got anything I said through all the laughing, joking, overreacting, crazy-ing and emotional-ing ;) But in a nutshell, whatever it is, what fun we had all this time :D              

Then there are so many others, GLSquare, Double K, my first few friends, though they are typical annoying guys, they are so much fun to be around and really really awesome people. And everyone I met that has ever made me smile (in this case, well, every one in class).

Dear Lexin, the one who just turned 19. You are not perfect. In fact you are way wayyyy off from it. You disappoint me sometimes. You might make me feel regretful. And you might make me feel sad. But you only have room to grow stronger, and better. Learn from your mistakes, but don't let them stop you. Live, laugh, love, and be happy. Don't be afraid. Don't run, don't hide, and don't back down. Stop worrying about everything. Follow your dreams. Regret nothing. Remember those you love, always. Do your best for them, and for yourself. When in doubt, go crazy. And life will be whatever you want it to be.

Here's to an even better tomorrow. Happy 19th.


     

The day before

Yesterday. Yesterday was completely awesome. To think I thought about what could possibly surprise me at this point in time? Yeah turns out I was completely wrong, cause the surprises were OVERWHELMING. Lets start with how Ms. Banana just casually strolled into class and reached for the light switches like I wasn't staring at her the whole time, it was actually really funny hahahaha. Sorry guys for ruining my own surprise lol. But then when the gifts started, it was... it was just...I couldn't believe that I would be that surprised but I was just completely overwhelmed. Firstly, the gramophone music box that Ms Chancello and I saw in Megalong, never have I thought she would actually go and BUY it, and it is GORGEOUS. Oh dear lord. It was the first thing and I already thought I would faint. And to think Sifu joined in too awwwwww. Of course, a big hearty thank you to Mr. Marlboro and also the 'Freedom Gang' (I have no idea why you guys are called the Freedom Gang but lets just go with it) for your gifts. Lol when I saw Mr. Marlboro's keychain I was like 'how...appropriate', hahaha. And the purse, which I didn't properly look at the print on it at first, but when I really looked at it, I think I straight up fell in love with it haha.

     

And next, the album. I got so emotional reading it, it was kinda ridiculous. Firstly, Mr. Stranger's message was so...I don't even know how to say it, I just thought it was rather sweet, considering that he is the person I am least familiar with, I thought it was REALLY nice. And then I saw Mr. G's name and I had to double take. I was like shouting his name out loud as if he appeared right in front of me, but my god I was so surprised and it was so sweet. And then Mr. Tsubasa, the background of your message, I can honestly say I was touched. Super super super touched. Thanks to Ms. Enlightened and Ms. Forever Pengerusi for putting it together, it was so beautiful. 

And you know how sometimes really small things just means so much? Yeah, Mr. Tequila knocked it straight out of the park. He gave me this small red box, and I was wondering what could possibly be in it. At first sight I saw this:

     And of course, firstly, STARS. He folded his stars thing and honestly if the box only contained the stars I would be happy enough lol. And the keychain inside it, at first I thought it looked like some sort of anime thing, and then I took it out, and it is actually....

I cannot use words to express how I felt. It was like...EVERYTHING in this little box is so RIGHT, I just can't. I can't be calm about this. I don't know if it was pure coincidence that he chose this sort of keychain or something, but how, how did he KNOW I like stuff with musical notes on it, just how. How. I don't know. Not to mention I later discovered there were exactly nineteen stars in the box, and even if it wasn't intentional I still think that was sweet. This proves that even though we annoy each other all the time, he is still an annoying, braggy, but awesome chess prince. Lol what kind of description is that.

But really, I probably got the most emotional due to Ms Forever Pengerusi. The bag that reminded me of you at once. The 'half drunk' notebook haha. Your letter which actually made me teary, I've got to say that was probably the most heartfelt and honest (not that the others weren't honest xp ) letter I have ever read. There is something about it that just made our lives together fly by in my head like a montage and I had to re-read it like ten thousand times. Thank you, thank you, thank you for pouring your heart out to me. 

And then, the ultimate emotional burst, came from this -

 

If I didn't think it was something else at first I probably wouldn't have been so surprised (but I would still be), but when I had a proper GOOD look at it, and I realized it was the CARROT BUNNY, I completely lost it. I cannot believe you made this, it is the most incredible thing ever. I don't even know how many times I have said Oh My God but seriously you guys made me REALLY happy. I feel as if you people know me better than I know myself, cause if I were to give myself something I would've never thought of these things, and you guys did a better job than I could've ever done.   

And of course, Mr. Tsubasa, THANK YOU for the album! It was an unexpected album, but I, as appropriately titled, LOVE it haha! 

 

 

  I had all sorts of mixed feelings waiting for my birthday to come, but I am so, so grateful that you guys are the ones I celebrated with. And really, if there was ever a definition for love, yesterday would be it. Because I realized that everything which made the hard STPM year the best time of my life, was you guys.What more can a girl ask for on her birthday? 

For all the birthdays we have celebrated together, thanks for making mine extra special too.     

Tsubasa

Sometimes I turn back time,

It's not hard to do

Cause I remember everything

Maybe you do too

Remember when we first met?

I wonder what you were thinking,

When you tried to scare me from behind,

When you called me 'LowLow' out of the blue

Isn't it funny to think of now

We were just two strangers,

and I never had a clue

Maybe I thought you hated me,

Maybe you thought I was hard to please,

Maybe you didn't believe in me,

Maybe I thought you were strange

Sometimes, I turn back time

So many things have changed

So many feelings grew

It's not hard to picture you,

there was our awkward first conversation

there was the talk about our future

about dolphins and medicine,

about sitting in your CUTE,

there we were, singing under the tree together

and there we were, dancing to the latest trend

Remember how there was the four of us,

causing chaos everywhere we go,

laughing about inappropriate jokes,

frozen yogurt, random stores

remember how there was the four of us,

it was us against the world

and whenever we were together,

we had the whole world.

Sometimes, I turn back time

and I think of what used to be

I think of who you are,

of who I become when I'm with you

I think of laughter and smiles,

and how much you mean to me

Distance doesn't mean a thing

Because some things never fade

Time doesn't mean a thing

If our memories remain

may your wings grow stronger

and may your dreams take you

wherever you want to go

thank you

for the time of my life

thank you

for being there once,

and for being there forever

Happy Birthday to you.
  

Hands of Fate

You know you haven't been blogging for awhile when you almost forgot your password. They say time flies when you're having a good time, but for some reason time can also fly by even when you aren't having too much of a 'good time'. Or maybe it is the whole 'blocking out the bad memories' thing going on. Things change, really quickly. In just a blink of an eye, everything can change, and it sweeps over like a current, nothing you can do to stop it. The more you fight it, the worse it becomes. If you list out every event in your life that changes you in a way, can you ever list them all?

Man are the only ones plagued by one of the most ultimate fears, the fear of time running out. When I think about seizing the moment and living your life, how very, very soon everything I have now will be gone,   and it will change, I almost get a panic attack of some sort. Things don't go your way forever, and nothing really lasts forever. Maybe now you're perfect, and the next second you're broken. Maybe now you love, and suddenly you're forced to hate, then the next second you love again. Maybe you know some things are wrong, but you still see it as right, because there is no time, time is running out, there is no time for all the wrong. Why do we complicate things with 'cause that is how it is, you HAVE to face the truth'. Maybe when you start fearing about time, then you realize that 'the bitter truth' can use some sugar coating. Cause why would we want our memories to be filled with hate, despair, and disappointment?

We can't handle things on our own all the time. We are not psychologists and motivational speakers and crazy optimists no matter how many people come to you for advice and to tell you their feelings. Even if you wish you are really all that. But some things you tell yourself everyday, tell yourself till you're tired of your own thoughts, tell yourself till you run out of positive things to say to other people, and you realize that actually, the whole positive vibe comes more naturally now. And the smallest things help, even just a bit. Like occupying your time and mind with tons of chemistry exercises, like listening to Ed Sheeran while snuggling in a blanket with your favorite hot drink.

Nothing really lasts forever, but as long as something touched you once, it will touch you forever.

We see things the way we want it to be 

And things turn out the way we see it

Tell me what is wrong

Tell me what is right

Tell me why if you fight life,

Life always wins

You care till it hurts, or bleeds,

Or fades in time

And the hurt really does fade,

though the memory stays

And you always come away with something more

It was good, never looking down

We just learn to live with the pain

Mosaic broken hearts 

There's always some people around

they come around and the armor falls

Pierce the room like a cannon ball
you never saw them coming

and you'll never be the same again

and all we know,

is don't let go

Some things in life just had to happen,

so you tell yourself

these are the hands of fate,

this is the worthwhile fight,

this is the golden age,

this is the state of grace

I'll paint you by numbers,

and colour you in

if things go right we can frame it

and put you on a wall

I'm gonna pick up the pieces, 

and build a lego house

if things go wrong we can knock it down.

And I will love you better now. 

   
         

If we seize the night

What an overdue post, but...you can't let prom pass without writing bout it right?

It was a nice night. It definitely wasn't like crazzzzzy awesomeeee or anything like that, which it never turns out that way, but I would say that it turned our quite nicely! Starting from the extremely budget buys I got (thanks to Ms Chancello), then to my crazy DIY mess with my hair (turned out okay-ish actually), then debating about whose house to go to first and how to get there. The place was much nicer than I expected. Everyone was GORGEOUS that night, like seriously, whoah, you get a slight sort of 'omg everyone looks so good and I look like...?????' feeling, BUT, the typical girl thought didn't really take over that much, cause the night just sweeps you away. But I've gotta say, honestly, the dress was great (thanks again Ms Chancello xp)
My table mates were awesome, really noisy, but awesome. I still don't get how our table is miles away from the other two 6AS tables, it was kinda unfair honestly =.= but it was okay, the camwhore session made up for it. We had the most messily beautiful performance from Mr. Legendary, Mr,. Tequila and Mr. Sot, it was so good, and we were all so happy watching them, even though the three of them had an 'after performance argument' behind me haha. Guys, it was great, come on. And when Mr. Ukulele went up for the impromptu drumming, that was by far EPIC. What else? our AJK comedian did some really good singing too, I was impressed, in fact his voice kinda reminds me of Mr. Tequila a bit 0.0                

And the fact that the highlight of my night was something Mr. Naruto (aka Mr. Spoon now), did was ridiculous. But lol, that is what happens for swearing you will swallow a spoon if you won the lucky draw. It eventually led on to us suggesting that he shall swallow a spoon if anyone from our table wins, and of course Ms. Enlightened and her lucky number won after that. And instead of going 'yay she won!' like the others, we were all like 'YES!!!!! EAT SPOON!!!!!!!!' HAHAHA. It was rather epic. Ah, when shall his fate be sealed? ;) BUt guys, seriously, we thought you would win the coke thing for sure cause you had Mr. F, but apparently Mr. F was the ONLY one good at that. Oh well =.=

Thank you, everyone, for being like the awesomest, funniest, craziest friends ever, for that night was a great one. When I ran around taking pictures *like I just didn't care*, I felt like the fate of me having my most memorable pictures ever was depending on that night haha. So we didn't actually take a thousand pictures, Ms. Forever Pengerusi, but a picture speaks a thousand words, and a memory lasts more beautifully than any picture. You looked absolutely gorgeous and glam that night, really befitting for our forever pengerusi haha :) And thank you Mr. Freedom (or Einstein) for taking silly pictures with me too. Btw, so much for going all natural with your hair eh =.= But it was, as I said, adorable :p .

Mr Tsubasa, I was reminded of you, how last year's prom was in some ways more exciting than this year's, and that is very much thanks to you. Even though you weren't here, a part of you is always around here somewhere, and if you were here that night we would've sang and danced the night away, and you would look the best ;) Ah, trust me, cause I always mean what I say right :D

I guess after that night I got some sort of two-day hangover. But ah, when it was finally over, getting out of all the formal stuff, especially after finally getting out the contacts that made me feel like I was trying to poke my eyeballs out =.= , I felt like once a year is enough for all these formal stuff. Cause just being casual feels soooo good. However, being in that sort of occasion with the people you love is definitely priceless.      

What more can I say? We owned the night.

May our hearts be full like our drinks tonight

Maye we sing and dance till we lose our minds

We are only young if we seize the night

Tonight, we own the night 

Forever and Always

     When do I feel most responsible? When I am finally handing over my job to someone. Then man, do I go all "this is important, that is important , remember this, remember that". Maybe it's cause those are things I didn't remember myself, and I am hoping that we gave rise to even better 'successors'. Though of course, no one will EVER be as great a Pengerusi as Ms. Forever Pengerusi. Yes, forever, because hey, we don't go through almost a year of S*** without always remembering we once had this responsibility. For all the times we stressed out over the library activities, for all the times we freaked out about our dear teacher, for all the duty lists that I sometimes forget to change, for all the conversations we had at the round table, the round table that kept all our secrets. LONG LIVE US! :D

  You realize new things everyday, you realize more things about yourself every time. Some things you laugh about so much it is still funny after a long, long time, how people crash through people and become a wrecking ball. Some things you get nervous about even though it is not directly of your concern, things that you're afraid will affect the mood of the people you care about. Forcing people to suck it up and check stuff, saying things you think they should hear afterwards, still believing there is hope for this to turn around. Being proud and so, so glad for the one that made it. You have no idea how glad I am, though we fight and I annoy you and you annoy me, I am SO relieved, and so happy. Oh, and turning to someone you never thought you would turn to, because though they don't understand anything, but it's just the way they are, saying and doing those 'little random things' they do so well.

   You realize new things everyday, about how some things you just can't change. Accept it, as best you can, accept it for the lesson you learn from it. Accept it, cause there is always something more.

Some things... they stay in your mind, they make you try to understand why. Like dreaming about almost getting hit by a car, like dreaming about someone pushing you out of harm's way.

       Have a happy day everyone,

Lexie

还有什么 ， 没有

人到了一定的时候

总是胡乱想抓住什么

命运是一种理由

现实的面孔

不到你说不懂

Never ever

People will tell you things you want to hear
You will convince yourself otherwise
You will fight to think everything will be fine
Then you give yourself reasons why everything is wrong
I am not a hero
I don't always know what to do
I am helpless sometimes
But some things convince me to be strong
Some beautiful things, things like you
Words can be such cheap poetry
Words don't always heal wounds
But if those are what I can give,
I'll give all of them to you.
We're that kind of people,
afraid of being replaced, afraid of being abandoned
afraid that the one you care about, doesn't care as much
Don't be afraid of being alone,
Just look around and you will definitely see
I will always be there for you
I will always keep you in mind
I won't always know what to say
But I will always try
Every hardship is teaching me something,
no matter whose story it is
When I listen to what you have to say,
I feel myself growing stronger with it
I can't promise you the world,
But this I can promise you
If you have to fight to be a butterfly,
I will fight with you.

I will never let you go,
I am always here for you
I will never let you go,
I believe in you

 I hope you believe in me too.

Let it all come pouring out,

There is nothing I can't take

Remember how you save me now

From all of my wrong

If your sky is falling

Take my hand and hold it

This is no time to be alone

and I won't let you go  

The Last Time

When people let their minds wander, they go off to the strangest places. Oh, the things different people can ask me at the same time....Things about what if she was a guy and what I think is the purpose of my life. They ask, I answer, then I wonder to myself. I can talk and talk to the same person, all night, about pointless things, or the same things over and over again, and yet some things never truly get answered because I truly don't know. When everyone else is in a weird mood together, at least tonight I was in a good one. Talking about your future and reminiscing the past. Complaining about people and doubting yourself. Listening to motivational songs and declaring your love for a friend together. It's just one of those nights.

Then at the same night, Nick Vujicic appears on TV, talking about things related to what I have heard from my many conversations. Just that what he says seems to be the answer to a lot of things, although it is not what I've never heard before. If he had given up long ago, then he wouldn't have gotten what he has now. Things about Asian parents,negative reinforcement versus positive acknowledgement. Things about you're beautiful, and move on from those 'emo' stuff and project happiness. This guy. Everything he says , however cliche, makes you go 'ahhhhhh. I hear you dude.' 

Don't even bother asking me 'do you believe in me?' again. My answer is always 'yes.' and I don't lie. I told you, I believe in everyone. Even people I'm not necessarily too fond of. I don't think I am ever truly surprised if someone suddenly accomplishes something, because for some reason or other I think anyone can do anything. If you ask me 'why do you think I will be fine?' Maybe I will say it again - 'Because,  you are just like me. ' I don't care if you disagree with me, but I am just going to say it - We will always be 'fine', no matter what happens. It doesn't mean we won't get upset about things, but we WILL be fine. We can handle anything. Okay perhaps I shall tell myself that ten times a day and it will be like the 'today I feel great' thing. =.= 

I don't ever want to say and do something heartfelt or important without really meaning it, ever. Man, if only I get a penny for every single time I say that recently. Call me crazy, but no matter how cheesy/scripted I sound, I MEAN the things I say. I don't care if while saying it I was laughing, frowning, sighing, smiling, if it was cheesy or stupid or sounds like I am joking, I actually do MEAN THINGS. If I say I think you're awesome then trust me, at least to me, you are. If I have ever said I will do anything for you then congrats, you must really mean a lot to me. If I ever add 'it means a lot' behind my 'Thank You', you better believe that it really means THE WORLD to me. If I say I think you can do something, then I swear to god I think you can, and I am waiting to see you do it.

So...tonight, I had this sudden epiphany  about how I should carry on with this and blah blah blah. If ..'stuff' happens again, I swear to myself, I will say exactly what I think of it. If I think you are being an idiot again, then the next time I AM going to tell you, seriously, you are being an IDIOT. If I want someone to just back off for a bit then I am going to ASK you to BACK OFF. In fact if this actually happens I am probably not going to shut up, no matter how awkward the situation is. (so this is turning into a rant...?) 

Look at me, writing things I probably won't be able to accomplish. But it's just one of those nights.

You say thanks for being a friend
and we're going in circles again and again

I dedicate this song to you
the one who never sees the truth
that I can take away your hurt
Heartbreak Girl

       

 This is the last time I'm asking you this,

Put my name at the top of your list.

Over again

Once again, I feel like running away with you
even if you probably don't wan't to =.=
Maybe not to somewhere only we know,
just somewhere
far, far away
Sometimes I say I'll go to where you are
I am starting to feel like I will really do it
Maybe we should go somewhere
where we talk about everything every night
where we don't have abandonment issues
where we don't get upset about the silliest things
where people remember you're there
and they remember to help you
where we laugh about things and mean it

Maybe we're not special, but at least...
We can talk about awkward things naturally
I can get upset at you and we become closer after it
You can't tell me everything
But I still understand everything
perfectly well

Now,
Everything is repeating in a pattern
If it really repeats all over again
Can I make things right this time?
What do you think?
Tell me I can handle it
And I'll tell you I can

things don't end
they just start all over again

With broken words I tried to say

honey don't you be afraid

we got nothing, we got us

You got something I need

In this world full of people

and if we only die once 

I wanna die with you

If we only live once

I wanna live with you

认真地笑

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my dear, dear, beloved friends, Ms. Pengerusi and Mr. Marlboro!!! This is quite a long awaited day, I really hope you guys liked the gifts and whatnot. I guess what we planned to do was done, and Mr. Marlboro had his taste of karma too, awwww yeah xp. (yes, making him read a long and pointless story means a lot to me (?) )

You know how when emotions accumulate over time, then a small, insignificant thing comes as a trigger, and everything flows out like water. Sometimes they really don't mean anything, I guess, it's just finally a release. Of course at the end of it you realize you completely WASTED your whole day just on that, and all you got was that your eyes hurt. Great going. =.= =.= =.=

Then it is always the simple things, or rather, the most unexpected things, that are so ridiculous but it makes you feel better.
 "有下雨 meh？”
“你的雨伞。粉红色，又这样小。。。”
“好笑，你走路好像很快的。。。”
“你走哪里？”

 Ridiculous. Makes you feel better. Thank you.

Then there is my 'long lost twin brother' sort of person, fighting through those feelings of his. Somehow he seems so much more like a naive, innocent...uh...girl?
You don't always know what the right thing to do is, but if it really means that much to you, then at least you know what you want to do. And then what you really want to do, becomes the right thing to do. You're probably going to feel the same emotions either way, but at least, maybe, you can eliminate regret. Things can be simple if you can only just say what you mean, and mean what you say. It is so hard, but it can be so simple.有时候 ，勇敢只是在对的时候，做出疯狂的东西。没什么特别。有时候，勇敢就是。。。 害怕结局， 还是去做。 知道结局，还是去做。那是一种傻，值得的傻。

Some things are just funny when you first hear it. Then when you really think about it, it means so much more.

“我跟你讲喔， 跟我认真地笑。”

Ridiculous.

Makes you feel better.

笑， 就要认真地笑。

Happy Birthday dear friends

    
 








 

就那么简单

What a memorable day. Something happened, something that we have no idea how it's gonna turn out, something I hope wouldn't ruin his life forever. But even if it ruins his life, well at least it's just for the next few months.....
But my god, it was so perfect.

精心筹备，逼了又逼后， 一切就是等着那一刻。女生经过的那一刻， 努力挽留她的脚步的那一刻，对着他又喊又推的那一刻， 毫不犹豫使尽全力的那一刻。 就是想看到他 - 带着那份心意，和那股突然燃起的勇气，送到门前，送到她手中。她很疑惑，他很紧张， 可是我们呢，那一刻都好像胜利了，大家一起又喊又叫，跳上跳下，喊着 ‘他长大了！’  对呀，就在那一刻， 这个幼稚的男生终于多么像个男子汉 XP.

I don't think anyone would be as crazy as me to be this excited about such a thing. But this is EXACTLY the kind of thing that would excite me (as a lot of people would say), especially if I can play a part in it. It started as teasing, as an inside joke, and it finally blows down to today. The Enlightened Being told me he wouldn't do it, I shouldn't be so expectant, I would be disappointed. Ah, but this time, something finally worked out almost exactly according to plan.

也就是今天，他对我说了好多终于不是废话的东西

“陪我一起怕”
 “好，我陪你, 我明白你的感受”

“不是心不心痛的问题”
“可是一切都是值得的”

“不是我不要，可是如果是你，你敢送吗？”
 “我敢.”

这种东西， 就算是小事也好， 但是勇敢。。。有多少人能做得到, 又有多少人 ‘勇敢’ 后可以豪无顾虑。 好啦，不要怕了，我们都在撑你。

Maybe I am really nosy, maybe I just like seeing cute things like this, maybe this makes me feel like I am in a romantic comedy or an idol drama, but just that moment when we were screaming and jumping and cheering, high-fiving, even later when I fist bumped him. Regardless of what was actually happening outside the class, it didn't seem to matter, and it makes me think.  Hm.... what was that phrase, something you see and hear a lot, but usually couldn't understand. Ah,
原来, 快乐就这么简单

不管了 不想了

不等了

不要不快乐

伤心的人别听慢歌

 

Flowers Grow

Okay, okay, okay,
dear friends,
was I too emotional?
Sorry, Scorpio problems,
us with our ethanoating, keeping grudges,
cold expressions, and overflowing emotions...
It is like we have all the seven sins wrapped up (including lust I guess lol)
I've read somewhere that we fear showing signs of weakness
and a lot of times that is true

Dear friend,
thanks for letting me fall back on you
oh how did you go through everything on your own,
I think I am starting to learn how though
But for now, I don't want to have to 'lean on someone'
but not because I don't want to show weakness,
I just want things to be fine enough, so that I don't have to lean,
I'll just stand on my own

And dear friend,
I'll say sorry one last time,
for saying it out of the blue,
and for probably shocking the living hell out of you,
and for a lot a lot of things I probably put you through
we made a promise,
and we are going to keep it
we are fine like this

we are perfect

everything is perfect
you just need to trust me
cause I trust you too

And lastly,
dear friends,
I think we (actually, I,) need to stop this...
the poor people who read our blogs will be confused as s***  (LOL)

...But who am I kidding, our blog posts will probably be confusing as s*** forever xp

              A little fall of rain

            Can hardly hurt me now

               That's all I need to know

              And rain will make the flowers grow

carrots and bunnies

she said 'are you okay'
check through the phone
she's been asking that a lot I realized
oh dear,
what has been happening to me lately
I just need a day to get through most things
but mostly cause I can talk to her about it
it always helps,
it really does
oh dear,what am I doing
I keep talking and talking
freaking out
going ALL CAPS
'shouting' into the phone?
saying a million words
but all about the same thing
but it's like you completely understand
and for this situation, you almost literally do
oh dear,
what would I ever do without you
at the end of it you always make me laugh,
like carrots and bunnies
like eating things up

some snow would be nice

Idiot

如果连这种小事都做不出来

你有什么资格烦

你到底做过了什么

只不过在那儿

吵 ，吵，吵

烦死人了

到底烦够了没有

你管其他人怎样

你以为只有你一个人有事做吗

跟我静下来

做好你的本分

Ms Lexin,

Sometimes you dissappoint me.

Ms Lexin,

Stop dissappointing me.

I think I need a sunrise,

I'm tired of the sunset

Virgo

   Ugh, procrastinating again, though I actually have so much to do during the holidays. No idea for any blog posts though. Nothing. Ah, then I stumble across a certain pretty girl's blog post, and I had *so much feels* I have to write something back!

*warning: love confession time! XD

 Yeah, if you are a guy. I would sing all the Taylor Swift songs you love, regardless of your gender (and boob size lol?). And I'll still be your faithful secretary, though I kinda suck at taking up responsibility, but I will still be. Fun fact, the day you called me 'the best secretary ever'...I was SUPER touched...for some reason it is a big deal to me. The round table will still be as noisy, or more noisy than ever. And if people think we're dating, we will probably laugh about it and say 'yeah, yeah we are.' And I would let you take me to prom. (btw I was all like someone wants to take me to prom aww yeah!! xp) When you are feeling down, I'll be there and cross my fingers that I can be helpful about it. And I'll always listen. I would dump all my personal stuff on you, and you will definitely make me feel better. Hey, things are always 1000000 times crazier, and more interesting when YOU are around ;)

Random note : Hmmh, if I am a guy, I would be...gay. that's about it? lol xp.

Long live the walls we crashed through

I had the time of my life 

with you

Have happy day everyone,

Lexie

 
   

2 Years

    They say you will revert back to you old ways when you meet your old friends again, and I guess I personally experienced this. It has been so so so so long since The Annoyings can get back together as the 'Lucky 7' again, since someone is always not around or busy. And what happens when seven 19 year olds who haven't reunited in two years meet? We act like we're 16 again of course. And tear the place down.  

   I thought I am crazy enough in Form 6, and honestly I am, but somehow this is a completely different kind of crazy. It is a 'I feel even younger than I've ever felt before' kind of crazy. We laughed at every sentence we said, talked about personal stuff so loudly I think the whole place knows us now, *made fun of our ex-es XD*, made a fool of ourselves while ordering food, refilled our drinks twice, took like literally (seriously, literally)a hundred pictures... and a lot of it was a result of hogging the waitress for like 15 minutes. And the list goes on. The songs they played at Burger Bar was really appropriate too. 'We Are Young' and 'Good Time' starts playing, and you feel like the night will never end.

   But as always, three hours passed by like 3 minutes. And I have come to the conclusion that it isn't a truly fun night if I don't end up feeling like vomiting by the end of it. Yeah if I laugh too much I get a 'condition', but oh well. We seldom talk about important life stuff whenever we are together, you know, stuff like how  studies are and what are our plans for the future seem to slip right off our minds. But for two of The Annoyings going to UMS, I wish them allll the best. And I know our paths will always cross, no matter where life takes us.

   When we are together, the night will never end.

Tonight we are young

So lets set the world on fire

we can burn brighter than the sun  

I'm in if you're down to get down tonight
Cuz it's always a good time