Emotional roller coasters are exhausting. I've been up, down, up, ( and mostly down), but I think everything turned out really fine. It's the type of rainbow after the rain thing.
It started with me getting upset about some really stupid thing. I think that my emo-ness is kinda justified, but still rather stupid. Then I watched Pacific Rim, which was so unexpectedly AWESOME I kinda got really happy for awhile. Also , there is the fact Mr. Jaroque dragged me in his quest to stalk his favorite singer all around Malaysia. He's seen him for the third time, come on. But of course getting to meet a singer was pretty nice, (not to mention the fact we were the ONLY ONES beside the radio crew who were there to see them). It ends with today I guess, with my semester 2 STPM results out. It all felt like a dream, I still don't believe the results are out. Either way I was a hundred times less stressed than the first time while waiting for my results, and I still have that weird, content feeling, like everything is okay (even though they weren't really that okay lol). And without bothering to list the subjects all out, 3.67, 3.00, 2.33 and 2.00, overall is 2.75. Hey that's pretty okay, there were IMPROVEMENTS! Haha. But I am sure that Sir. Chemist is not very pleased at all, my god, he gave me that 'look' when I was forced to say out all my results in the teacher's office. Why do you always do this to me sir, why!! T_T I am not going to lie though, I am disappointed that Bio, my only hope, was stuck at B. Sigh. Not even a ' + ' behind that B, I could almost see teacher's disappointed face and saying 'you are not serious' again.
Had to stay after school today, and coincidentally there was a friend who was staying too. We were studying quite successfully - at first. Then he just came over and then we were like talking and talking and I only got a few pages of chemistry down. But I count that as an achievement. He did say something that surprised me though.
"You seem so depressed. You laugh so much, that it looks like you are just covering up your pain.'
It was kinda weird, and it is also not true because naturally laughter seems to be my most frequent response to everything. But then it got me thinking, what if he was right? I think that what he said could actually be true, sometimes, but isn't laughter the best way to cover everything up? Besides it being a weird moment, I am actually touched that he said that, it feels like someone is trying to care about me xp.
Today, once again, since I have this weird thing of adjusting my feelings to feel content about things I shouldn't be content with (did that make sense ?), I started falling into the role of consoling people, I guess. I really don't know what to say anymore because I completely understand what they are worried and upset about, but I am so helpless so I just did the whole act crazy and hope they laugh thing. There is only so much I can say. But please don't be upset, to all the people this may be of concern to, because there is a way, there is always a better way. I still believe what I wrote last time, that there is too much to do, there is no time to get upset. And to quote one of my favorite quotes ever - in the end everything will be okay, and if it's not okay...
It's not the end.
And I had the week that came from hell
And yes I know that you can tell
But you're like the net under the ledge
But I go flying off the edge
You go flying off as well
And if we only die once I wanna die with you
Have a happy day everyone,
Lexie
