Forever and Always

     When do I feel most responsible? When I am finally handing over my job to someone. Then man, do I go all "this is important, that is important , remember this, remember that". Maybe it's cause those are things I didn't remember myself, and I am hoping that we gave rise to even better 'successors'. Though of course, no one will EVER be as great a Pengerusi as Ms. Forever Pengerusi. Yes, forever, because hey, we don't go through almost a year of S*** without always remembering we once had this responsibility. For all the times we stressed out over the library activities, for all the times we freaked out about our dear teacher, for all the duty lists that I sometimes forget to change, for all the conversations we had at the round table, the round table that kept all our secrets. LONG LIVE US! :D

  You realize new things everyday, you realize more things about yourself every time. Some things you laugh about so much it is still funny after a long, long time, how people crash through people and become a wrecking ball. Some things you get nervous about even though it is not directly of your concern, things that you're afraid will affect the mood of the people you care about. Forcing people to suck it up and check stuff, saying things you think they should hear afterwards, still believing there is hope for this to turn around. Being proud and so, so glad for the one that made it. You have no idea how glad I am, though we fight and I annoy you and you annoy me, I am SO relieved, and so happy. Oh, and turning to someone you never thought you would turn to, because though they don't understand anything, but it's just the way they are, saying and doing those 'little random things' they do so well.

   You realize new things everyday, about how some things you just can't change. Accept it, as best you can, accept it for the lesson you learn from it. Accept it, cause there is always something more.

Some things... they stay in your mind, they make you try to understand why. Like dreaming about almost getting hit by a car, like dreaming about someone pushing you out of harm's way.

       Have a happy day everyone,

Lexie

还有什么 ， 没有

人到了一定的时候

总是胡乱想抓住什么

命运是一种理由

现实的面孔

不到你说不懂

Never ever

People will tell you things you want to hear
You will convince yourself otherwise
You will fight to think everything will be fine
Then you give yourself reasons why everything is wrong
I am not a hero
I don't always know what to do
I am helpless sometimes
But some things convince me to be strong
Some beautiful things, things like you
Words can be such cheap poetry
Words don't always heal wounds
But if those are what I can give,
I'll give all of them to you.
We're that kind of people,
afraid of being replaced, afraid of being abandoned
afraid that the one you care about, doesn't care as much
Don't be afraid of being alone,
Just look around and you will definitely see
I will always be there for you
I will always keep you in mind
I won't always know what to say
But I will always try
Every hardship is teaching me something,
no matter whose story it is
When I listen to what you have to say,
I feel myself growing stronger with it
I can't promise you the world,
But this I can promise you
If you have to fight to be a butterfly,
I will fight with you.

I will never let you go,
I am always here for you
I will never let you go,
I believe in you

 I hope you believe in me too.

Let it all come pouring out,

There is nothing I can't take

Remember how you save me now

From all of my wrong

If your sky is falling

Take my hand and hold it

This is no time to be alone

and I won't let you go  

The Last Time

When people let their minds wander, they go off to the strangest places. Oh, the things different people can ask me at the same time....Things about what if she was a guy and what I think is the purpose of my life. They ask, I answer, then I wonder to myself. I can talk and talk to the same person, all night, about pointless things, or the same things over and over again, and yet some things never truly get answered because I truly don't know. When everyone else is in a weird mood together, at least tonight I was in a good one. Talking about your future and reminiscing the past. Complaining about people and doubting yourself. Listening to motivational songs and declaring your love for a friend together. It's just one of those nights.

Then at the same night, Nick Vujicic appears on TV, talking about things related to what I have heard from my many conversations. Just that what he says seems to be the answer to a lot of things, although it is not what I've never heard before. If he had given up long ago, then he wouldn't have gotten what he has now. Things about Asian parents,negative reinforcement versus positive acknowledgement. Things about you're beautiful, and move on from those 'emo' stuff and project happiness. This guy. Everything he says , however cliche, makes you go 'ahhhhhh. I hear you dude.' 

Don't even bother asking me 'do you believe in me?' again. My answer is always 'yes.' and I don't lie. I told you, I believe in everyone. Even people I'm not necessarily too fond of. I don't think I am ever truly surprised if someone suddenly accomplishes something, because for some reason or other I think anyone can do anything. If you ask me 'why do you think I will be fine?' Maybe I will say it again - 'Because,  you are just like me. ' I don't care if you disagree with me, but I am just going to say it - We will always be 'fine', no matter what happens. It doesn't mean we won't get upset about things, but we WILL be fine. We can handle anything. Okay perhaps I shall tell myself that ten times a day and it will be like the 'today I feel great' thing. =.= 

I don't ever want to say and do something heartfelt or important without really meaning it, ever. Man, if only I get a penny for every single time I say that recently. Call me crazy, but no matter how cheesy/scripted I sound, I MEAN the things I say. I don't care if while saying it I was laughing, frowning, sighing, smiling, if it was cheesy or stupid or sounds like I am joking, I actually do MEAN THINGS. If I say I think you're awesome then trust me, at least to me, you are. If I have ever said I will do anything for you then congrats, you must really mean a lot to me. If I ever add 'it means a lot' behind my 'Thank You', you better believe that it really means THE WORLD to me. If I say I think you can do something, then I swear to god I think you can, and I am waiting to see you do it.

So...tonight, I had this sudden epiphany  about how I should carry on with this and blah blah blah. If ..'stuff' happens again, I swear to myself, I will say exactly what I think of it. If I think you are being an idiot again, then the next time I AM going to tell you, seriously, you are being an IDIOT. If I want someone to just back off for a bit then I am going to ASK you to BACK OFF. In fact if this actually happens I am probably not going to shut up, no matter how awkward the situation is. (so this is turning into a rant...?) 

Look at me, writing things I probably won't be able to accomplish. But it's just one of those nights.

You say thanks for being a friend
and we're going in circles again and again

I dedicate this song to you
the one who never sees the truth
that I can take away your hurt
Heartbreak Girl

       

 This is the last time I'm asking you this,

Put my name at the top of your list.

Over again

Once again, I feel like running away with you
even if you probably don't wan't to =.=
Maybe not to somewhere only we know,
just somewhere
far, far away
Sometimes I say I'll go to where you are
I am starting to feel like I will really do it
Maybe we should go somewhere
where we talk about everything every night
where we don't have abandonment issues
where we don't get upset about the silliest things
where people remember you're there
and they remember to help you
where we laugh about things and mean it

Maybe we're not special, but at least...
We can talk about awkward things naturally
I can get upset at you and we become closer after it
You can't tell me everything
But I still understand everything
perfectly well

Now,
Everything is repeating in a pattern
If it really repeats all over again
Can I make things right this time?
What do you think?
Tell me I can handle it
And I'll tell you I can

things don't end
they just start all over again

With broken words I tried to say

honey don't you be afraid

we got nothing, we got us

You got something I need

In this world full of people

and if we only die once 

I wanna die with you

If we only live once

I wanna live with you

认真地笑

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my dear, dear, beloved friends, Ms. Pengerusi and Mr. Marlboro!!! This is quite a long awaited day, I really hope you guys liked the gifts and whatnot. I guess what we planned to do was done, and Mr. Marlboro had his taste of karma too, awwww yeah xp. (yes, making him read a long and pointless story means a lot to me (?) )

You know how when emotions accumulate over time, then a small, insignificant thing comes as a trigger, and everything flows out like water. Sometimes they really don't mean anything, I guess, it's just finally a release. Of course at the end of it you realize you completely WASTED your whole day just on that, and all you got was that your eyes hurt. Great going. =.= =.= =.=

Then it is always the simple things, or rather, the most unexpected things, that are so ridiculous but it makes you feel better.
 "有下雨 meh？”
“你的雨伞。粉红色，又这样小。。。”
“好笑，你走路好像很快的。。。”
“你走哪里？”

 Ridiculous. Makes you feel better. Thank you.

Then there is my 'long lost twin brother' sort of person, fighting through those feelings of his. Somehow he seems so much more like a naive, innocent...uh...girl?
You don't always know what the right thing to do is, but if it really means that much to you, then at least you know what you want to do. And then what you really want to do, becomes the right thing to do. You're probably going to feel the same emotions either way, but at least, maybe, you can eliminate regret. Things can be simple if you can only just say what you mean, and mean what you say. It is so hard, but it can be so simple.有时候 ，勇敢只是在对的时候，做出疯狂的东西。没什么特别。有时候，勇敢就是。。。 害怕结局， 还是去做。 知道结局，还是去做。那是一种傻，值得的傻。

Some things are just funny when you first hear it. Then when you really think about it, it means so much more.

“我跟你讲喔， 跟我认真地笑。”

Ridiculous.

Makes you feel better.

笑， 就要认真地笑。

Happy Birthday dear friends

    
 








 

就那么简单

What a memorable day. Something happened, something that we have no idea how it's gonna turn out, something I hope wouldn't ruin his life forever. But even if it ruins his life, well at least it's just for the next few months.....
But my god, it was so perfect.

精心筹备，逼了又逼后， 一切就是等着那一刻。女生经过的那一刻， 努力挽留她的脚步的那一刻，对着他又喊又推的那一刻， 毫不犹豫使尽全力的那一刻。 就是想看到他 - 带着那份心意，和那股突然燃起的勇气，送到门前，送到她手中。她很疑惑，他很紧张， 可是我们呢，那一刻都好像胜利了，大家一起又喊又叫，跳上跳下，喊着 ‘他长大了！’  对呀，就在那一刻， 这个幼稚的男生终于多么像个男子汉 XP.

I don't think anyone would be as crazy as me to be this excited about such a thing. But this is EXACTLY the kind of thing that would excite me (as a lot of people would say), especially if I can play a part in it. It started as teasing, as an inside joke, and it finally blows down to today. The Enlightened Being told me he wouldn't do it, I shouldn't be so expectant, I would be disappointed. Ah, but this time, something finally worked out almost exactly according to plan.

也就是今天，他对我说了好多终于不是废话的东西

“陪我一起怕”
 “好，我陪你, 我明白你的感受”

“不是心不心痛的问题”
“可是一切都是值得的”

“不是我不要，可是如果是你，你敢送吗？”
 “我敢.”

这种东西， 就算是小事也好， 但是勇敢。。。有多少人能做得到, 又有多少人 ‘勇敢’ 后可以豪无顾虑。 好啦，不要怕了，我们都在撑你。

Maybe I am really nosy, maybe I just like seeing cute things like this, maybe this makes me feel like I am in a romantic comedy or an idol drama, but just that moment when we were screaming and jumping and cheering, high-fiving, even later when I fist bumped him. Regardless of what was actually happening outside the class, it didn't seem to matter, and it makes me think.  Hm.... what was that phrase, something you see and hear a lot, but usually couldn't understand. Ah,
原来, 快乐就这么简单

不管了 不想了

不等了

不要不快乐

伤心的人别听慢歌