What Do You See?

Tired.
TIRED.
Tired.....

"How oh you guys at UMS?"
"TIRED!'

It's kinda ridiculous how many times we've uttered the word 'tired' since we've only been in there for two weeks, but MAN are we tired. My house is fifteen minutes away from my uni...that's an awesome thing, and I'm counting my blessings, but somehow once we get inside the gates of of our new home it feels like the outside world is gone. Of course then the weekend comes and I can finally go home...then I sleep through the day and head on right back.

Orientation week was crazy. It was mostly just talks and more talks, but we go to bed at 1-2 smthng a.m and woke up at 4.00 a.m....mostly because their schedules are always delayed and out of whack in general. The most important thing we learnt during orientation is how to FIGHT for the bus - Serious survival skills here, yo! A big thank you to Ms. Psyduck and Ms. Annoying Banana who ran here and there with me to fight for the bus and food hahaha, with blisters on our feet and all that jazz. Orientation week was also the first time I experienced involuntarily falling asleep during a talk, being woken up, and going back to sleep again in less than five seconds. That feeling of not being able to stay awake is not good, not good at all.    

There are different hostel blocks here, most of us (including me) got E, while some got AB or CD...and let me tell you, the quality of the rooms are so much worse in E. Pros we have - more food and stalls, no need for climbing up some crazy hill like they have in CD to get to our room. Cons - smaller space, worse beds, desks, and toilets. I don't know what to think but ya know, we're surviving. And everywhere we go it is walk, walk, walk, WALK. Or wait, wait, wait for the bus. This Uni and it's 999 acres =.= why must it be huge? Why???? I guess we're all going to get super muscles by the end of this semester alone, but when it's one of those days when we're walking everywhere. sweating under the sun with our heavy bags, that whole we're trapped in a different world feeling appears.

I had the most horrific experience during course registration day. We decided to go at 4:30 a.m even though registration opens at 8 , since we were afraid the courses we wanted will be full. Once again, we got to FIGHT. So I set my alarm and all, preparing to face the next day...and when I woke up... it was 5:30 a.m!!!! I freaked out so badly. Turns out my phone ran out of battery so not only did I not wake up at 4, my friends must've called me like crazy. None of them know where my room is by the way and I couldn't turn on my phone because I had to charge it for awhile first and I thought I was going to have a heart attack. When I could finally contact them they were already there, and one of them drove back to fetch me. But the funny thing is, they were actually the first ones right in front of the door, while behind them was a super long line. Man, are they good.      

So after registration and all we headed back and everything was alright...until I went back to my room, decided to draw up my timetable, and realize that Ms Enlightened and I signed up for the wrong section of Japanese class!! That whole waking up at 5:30 feeling came back to me again and of course I started freaking out again, Turns out Ms. Enlightened mistook the timetable for another course's and we went into a frenzy trying to figure out how to settle our problem. We couldn't go to the time we accidentally signed up for since it clashes with our class. After a lot of discussing and "how oh?"and calling here and there we got our friend to change our registration for us and settled for the night class. Phew!

As for our classes...not much has been taught yet. We got a general overview of all our classes, we already have our assignments :( .... and I think I'm going to like Environmental Science. Our scope of learning is way larger than I expected, with diseases, food safety, planetary science and whatever not thrown into the mix. But I think I'm going to like it, for now. On my way to be a tree hugger haha. Not to mention I finally get to learn Japanese, yay! I'm regretting that I didn't learn how to write way back when I was extremely interested in all things Japanese, but I'll just have to keep practising now...a, i, u, e, o.

As for Pengajian Kokum I took modern music with two friends...it was such an unexpected choice, but I am so excited for it! We get to form a band, a band! Yay! We wanted to take the cooking related subject but it was already full...and to think we were the first Science batch to get into the registration room...but I think I'm going to enjoy modern music too, at least I hope I will.

Despite all the grumbling, sweating, walking, not-so-comfortable living condition, not eating any proper meals at all and all the involuntary sleeping (even in class)...there is so much to look forward to. Class hasn't really started but I find myself worrying all the time about whether or not I can finish my assignments with good grades, whether or not I will know what to study and revise, and how much trouble I will run into as time goes by....but I think, you know what, it will all be okay. Just get used to it, just get used to it. It doesn't matter if I'm lucky enough to be near home, trouble is everywhere, but great things are about to happen too. I just need to learn how to relax.

Making new friends is still an ongoing process, although I have Ms. Enlightened with me and that's great! :D Stress and hard work is still on it's way, creeping up towards us...but we will all face it together. Falling in love with Environmental Science is happening gradually, and I hope it will last.

And so, as our Environmental Health lecturer would say......When you look at a river, what do you see? The water flows slowly, but surely, it will reach somewhere far. When you look at a mountain, what do you see? It's not about what you see on the surface, it's what you feel inside.

So tell me Lexin, when you think about your future, what do you see?
      


 

 

Road Trip

I could use one of those days
When life feels like the perfect road trip
It's all sunshine and blue skies
Wind in your hair, like you can take off and fly
The past is merely dust and smoke
and what's ahead are excitement and hope
laughter is compulsory,
and there's no room for worry
Won't you go on a road trip with me?
It doesn't matter if we get lost
We can take in the scenery,
and laugh at pointless jokes
We can sing under the stars,
and keep that feeling in our souls

I could use a road trip
I wonder where the destination will be
Maybe there's so much more to see
Maybe I can set myself free
One day I'll get up and go
I wonder who will join me?

Oh if I can do as I wish,
By then, wherever you might be,
I'll take you along with me

Journey

Well hello there, empty barren wasteland that is my blog. Truth be told, this post is definitely not happening if I didn't have a 'pact' with Mr. Tsubasa. Well a man doesn't go back on his words right ;) Oh boy, now I'm going to start writing....what kind of random, over dramatic thing is going to start pouring out??

What is there to say? Ever since graduation and holidays I haven't been doing anything at all, although everyone else is off to work or even off to study. But as I think back, quite a bit of things have been happening. I have been going out A LOT, it feels like more than I ever did in my whole life. People just keep coming over, my bro, my sis in law, my bro's friends, my own friends. Mr Tsubasa came back and yeah, it was definitely fun ;D . Even during CNY. Usually I go to one, two houses tops but this time, man it was practically a series of visiting. As a result, I started developing the cat mentality - when I'm at home I want to go out, when I go out, I want to be back home. Watched some new movies, and had a truly traumatic movie experience courtesy of Miss Chancello and her extreme emotional reaction. But in a way I feel like my life isn't static, at least not yet. I've met so many new people, and for once, I'm starting to feel like...I actually enjoy meeting new people, instead of feeling like crawling into a hole. Now that is definitely a shocker.

There was also the series of stressful events. Results came out, and oh boy, this is a first. The feeling you get when something finally doesn't suck. You would think I would've heaved a sigh of relieve and go back to sleep ( like I did during sem 2),  but nope, this time, after waking parents up in the middle of the night,  I stayed awake until morning... doing nothing and thinking about everything. Still one re-sit to go, but it actually doesn't feel bad at all. And I think about how something that is probably not a big deal to someone else feels like the best achievement of my life. Lets not touch on how my re-sit results went though lol. To top that off, driving test finally came, and although I waited and waited and waited the whole day just to go through those measly few tests, but man that feeling you get when it' finally over and you pass. Well I'm one of the last ones to get my license but hey, something finally doesn't suck, AGAIN. And it's times like these when you feel just a little bit bigger than you thought you were.

Now we have entered the phase of 'what are you going to do next? What are you taking? What is your first choice?' Well unfortunately now Miss I-can-do-whatever-I-want-to-do doesn't have a clue what she wants to do. I have my choices, but I don't have THE choice. I don't seem to have a first choice. All of them are just fine to me, and that's why this time I decided to let fate decide and see what I get. Although if I don't get anything then I have to decide myself, and that is another roller coaster ride. It's like I'm expecting a journey to arrive, but I don't have a clue what that journey is going to be. How do you prepare for a journey that you know nothing of?

But as you get a lot, a lot of alone time, you realize that stress and worry is definitely optional. I think my number one trait of overreacting should take a break now, cause there's plenty of time for that when I start studying and get to be around large amounts of people again. Maybe I can actually learn to accept the things I can't change. And remember, remember, remember, that somethingsdon'tmattersomethingsdon'tmatter
somethingsreallydon'tmatter!

Perhaps it's best not to paint a picture of the future sometimes, because a blank canvas can fit way, way more things, things you couldn't even imagine will happen. Who knows, maybe a wizard and some dwarves will come and sweep me away on my very own unexpected journey. Maybe I'll get to fight a dragon. Maybe I'll have fun.          
       

Tell Me Why

I'm sick and tired of your attitude.
Sick of this going around and around in circles.
Sick of this being a big deal somehow.
Sick of realizing it is partly my fault too.
Isn't it like a horror story?
I laughed it off,
until I realized it IS actually that scary.
What are you thinking?
Are you really that stubborn?
How should I know?
If only I settled things sooner
If only I handled it better
If only you could say things earlier
If only you don't jump to your own conclusions
Guess what,
it is both our faults,
and it is nobody's fault  
Don't run, don't hide, don't back down?
Well Lexin, time to put your own advice to good use.

The First Day

Today is the day, but the impact from yesterday still hasn't died down. Of course we were forced to go to school to attend one of the most long-winded events ever, but hey, there's money involved. And because of this too, I hung out in the weirdest group I have ever been in. It was a rather weird day, but it was sure enough, 'interesting'. Getting pushed, hit, and attacked by Ms. Psycho, the most awkward game of Truth or Dare ever, (courtesy of Ms. Psycho's awkward questions), Freedom's big 'confession' in 6RS, and of course there was the B.C finally confessing to B.C thing.

You know whenever I am out at a cafe or something, my table will always be the noisiest one around. And I used to think it was just cause that is how my group of friends are. Yeah you know what, scratch that. It doesn't matter who I was hanging out with, my table will still be the noisiest one in the whole place. Like we can go from me being shushed by Mr. Freedom and Ms. Mole cause 'we weren't the only ones there anymore', to the whole place probably knowing about Freedom and Ms Mole's pooping business. Reading comics, discussing life issues, counselling session... okay seriously the things we did in that short period of time. =.= I gotta say though, I really enjoyed it.

First day of being 19. It is quite an interesting way to put it, ever since I saw Ms. Forever Pengerusi's message :). One of the things I thought of was a few days ago was actually the fact that next year I am supposed to be 20. TWENTY. The word looms up bigger and bigger. I just feel like it is a really OLD age to be. And I know that isn't true cause looking at my bro and friends they pretty much act a lot like how we are now. But I don't know, I just remember when I was wayy younger and I used to think that once your age starts with '2', then you are supposed to be a full- on adult, you know, just be...an adult. Adult. What is that supposed to mean anyway? People still mistake me for a FORM 1 for goodness sakes.

And then leaving school. I feel like one of the only few people who is actually really upset about leaving but that is just me, I get way too emotionally attached to people and then it is like I don't want them to ever leave me. Of course there is the fact I don't want to grow uppppppppp ~~~~ there is the whole what am I supposed to do? What do I want to do? Issue. There is the 'everything will change but you don't know how' issue. There is the not going to school everyday and seeing the people who are always there issue. There are a lot of issues. No matter how much you tell yourself that you will hold on to every precious few moments left , you know very well that the days are slipping away like an out of control whirlwind, and I look at the present time, and what? I am already officially 19? How did one whole month just slip by like that? Even today, just looking at the time, how did the whole day just slip by like that?

But I guess on my birthday every year, there is this need to be thankful. And honestly I am. It is always the same old thing, thank you to so and so for always being there for me, and all sorts of such stuff which aren't things these people haven't heard from me, but honestly, there are not enough words to express them.

Ms. Enlightened, who has been there with me since the beginning of time, the only true constant in my form 6 life. The one who tells cold jokes, but listens to my problems in a way that is neutral, but still on my side.

Ms. Chancello, who I should've been friends with way earlier, but who is so much alike to me. The one who is also emotional and gets agitated easily, but is very calm when I am NOT.

Ms. Pengerusi, the one who I share everything with, and the one who shares everything with me. We have a connection that runs so deep, no words are needed anymore. We are practically the definition for the phrase 'I have your back'.

Mr. Tsubasa, one term, one short term, and yet in that short period of time, we somehow connected. Our friendship will 'never ever ever' break, no matter what happens.

Freedom, I don't think I need to say more. I have probably said enough. Though I don't know whether or not you ever got anything I said through all the laughing, joking, overreacting, crazy-ing and emotional-ing ;) But in a nutshell, whatever it is, what fun we had all this time :D              

Then there are so many others, GLSquare, Double K, my first few friends, though they are typical annoying guys, they are so much fun to be around and really really awesome people. And everyone I met that has ever made me smile (in this case, well, every one in class).

Dear Lexin, the one who just turned 19. You are not perfect. In fact you are way wayyyy off from it. You disappoint me sometimes. You might make me feel regretful. And you might make me feel sad. But you only have room to grow stronger, and better. Learn from your mistakes, but don't let them stop you. Live, laugh, love, and be happy. Don't be afraid. Don't run, don't hide, and don't back down. Stop worrying about everything. Follow your dreams. Regret nothing. Remember those you love, always. Do your best for them, and for yourself. When in doubt, go crazy. And life will be whatever you want it to be.

Here's to an even better tomorrow. Happy 19th.


     

The day before

Yesterday. Yesterday was completely awesome. To think I thought about what could possibly surprise me at this point in time? Yeah turns out I was completely wrong, cause the surprises were OVERWHELMING. Lets start with how Ms. Banana just casually strolled into class and reached for the light switches like I wasn't staring at her the whole time, it was actually really funny hahahaha. Sorry guys for ruining my own surprise lol. But then when the gifts started, it was... it was just...I couldn't believe that I would be that surprised but I was just completely overwhelmed. Firstly, the gramophone music box that Ms Chancello and I saw in Megalong, never have I thought she would actually go and BUY it, and it is GORGEOUS. Oh dear lord. It was the first thing and I already thought I would faint. And to think Sifu joined in too awwwwww. Of course, a big hearty thank you to Mr. Marlboro and also the 'Freedom Gang' (I have no idea why you guys are called the Freedom Gang but lets just go with it) for your gifts. Lol when I saw Mr. Marlboro's keychain I was like 'how...appropriate', hahaha. And the purse, which I didn't properly look at the print on it at first, but when I really looked at it, I think I straight up fell in love with it haha.

     

And next, the album. I got so emotional reading it, it was kinda ridiculous. Firstly, Mr. Stranger's message was so...I don't even know how to say it, I just thought it was rather sweet, considering that he is the person I am least familiar with, I thought it was REALLY nice. And then I saw Mr. G's name and I had to double take. I was like shouting his name out loud as if he appeared right in front of me, but my god I was so surprised and it was so sweet. And then Mr. Tsubasa, the background of your message, I can honestly say I was touched. Super super super touched. Thanks to Ms. Enlightened and Ms. Forever Pengerusi for putting it together, it was so beautiful. 

And you know how sometimes really small things just means so much? Yeah, Mr. Tequila knocked it straight out of the park. He gave me this small red box, and I was wondering what could possibly be in it. At first sight I saw this:

     And of course, firstly, STARS. He folded his stars thing and honestly if the box only contained the stars I would be happy enough lol. And the keychain inside it, at first I thought it looked like some sort of anime thing, and then I took it out, and it is actually....

I cannot use words to express how I felt. It was like...EVERYTHING in this little box is so RIGHT, I just can't. I can't be calm about this. I don't know if it was pure coincidence that he chose this sort of keychain or something, but how, how did he KNOW I like stuff with musical notes on it, just how. How. I don't know. Not to mention I later discovered there were exactly nineteen stars in the box, and even if it wasn't intentional I still think that was sweet. This proves that even though we annoy each other all the time, he is still an annoying, braggy, but awesome chess prince. Lol what kind of description is that.

But really, I probably got the most emotional due to Ms Forever Pengerusi. The bag that reminded me of you at once. The 'half drunk' notebook haha. Your letter which actually made me teary, I've got to say that was probably the most heartfelt and honest (not that the others weren't honest xp ) letter I have ever read. There is something about it that just made our lives together fly by in my head like a montage and I had to re-read it like ten thousand times. Thank you, thank you, thank you for pouring your heart out to me. 

And then, the ultimate emotional burst, came from this -

 

If I didn't think it was something else at first I probably wouldn't have been so surprised (but I would still be), but when I had a proper GOOD look at it, and I realized it was the CARROT BUNNY, I completely lost it. I cannot believe you made this, it is the most incredible thing ever. I don't even know how many times I have said Oh My God but seriously you guys made me REALLY happy. I feel as if you people know me better than I know myself, cause if I were to give myself something I would've never thought of these things, and you guys did a better job than I could've ever done.   

And of course, Mr. Tsubasa, THANK YOU for the album! It was an unexpected album, but I, as appropriately titled, LOVE it haha! 

 

 

  I had all sorts of mixed feelings waiting for my birthday to come, but I am so, so grateful that you guys are the ones I celebrated with. And really, if there was ever a definition for love, yesterday would be it. Because I realized that everything which made the hard STPM year the best time of my life, was you guys.What more can a girl ask for on her birthday? 

For all the birthdays we have celebrated together, thanks for making mine extra special too.     

Tsubasa

Sometimes I turn back time,

It's not hard to do

Cause I remember everything

Maybe you do too

Remember when we first met?

I wonder what you were thinking,

When you tried to scare me from behind,

When you called me 'LowLow' out of the blue

Isn't it funny to think of now

We were just two strangers,

and I never had a clue

Maybe I thought you hated me,

Maybe you thought I was hard to please,

Maybe you didn't believe in me,

Maybe I thought you were strange

Sometimes, I turn back time

So many things have changed

So many feelings grew

It's not hard to picture you,

there was our awkward first conversation

there was the talk about our future

about dolphins and medicine,

about sitting in your CUTE,

there we were, singing under the tree together

and there we were, dancing to the latest trend

Remember how there was the four of us,

causing chaos everywhere we go,

laughing about inappropriate jokes,

frozen yogurt, random stores

remember how there was the four of us,

it was us against the world

and whenever we were together,

we had the whole world.

Sometimes, I turn back time

and I think of what used to be

I think of who you are,

of who I become when I'm with you

I think of laughter and smiles,

and how much you mean to me

Distance doesn't mean a thing

Because some things never fade

Time doesn't mean a thing

If our memories remain

may your wings grow stronger

and may your dreams take you

wherever you want to go

thank you

for the time of my life

thank you

for being there once,

and for being there forever

Happy Birthday to you.